Loss, Love, and How God Uses it ALL for His Glory

Adoption was always something my husband and I discussed as a way to build our family.  I never thought that it would be the only way though.  Since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was to grow up, get married, and be a mommy.  I didn’t realize it until after we started the adoption process, but God had been preparing our hearts for the journey ahead.    

As many of you know adoption is not an easy road. It’s an emotional roller coaster filled with ups and downs, heartache, loss, and joy; to name a few.  Our journey was no different.  Our journey started when we did kinship care for our nephew.  It wasn’t until this that we were able to fully grasp loving someone else’s child fully as your own.  We fostered our nephew for thirteen months and it created a loving bond between the three of us that is indescribable.  The experience was one that left us selfishly heartbroken for ourselves, and completely dependent on our Savior.  It was the most challenging, emotional experience of our lives, but also the most rewarding.   

It was two months after our nephew went home that we found out about our infertility issues.  Like many, we had OUR plan laid out for our lives.  We had been married for five years and decided we would start trying to get pregnant.  Little did we know that God had bigger and better plans for us.  It took us a while to just let go and let God lead.  For six months we did a series of failed infertility treatments, including hormones, shots, and IUI’s (intrauterine insemination).  After the last failed attempt we decided we were done going down that route.  I could not handle it physically or emotionally.   God taught us so much through these experiences, but the most profound one came to be LOSS.  This has had such a huge impact on us, because it became so relatable to what a birth mom experiences when she places a child for adoption.  God was working through our heartache to allow us to see what that kind of loss truly feels like.  I still cannot completely grasp the depth and magnitude of our loss and I still have hard days, but in the midst of that pain God gives me peace and joy. 

Through much prayer God was leading us to build our family a different way.  It became very apparent that adoption was how God intended our family to be built.  So we set out researching both domestic and international adoptions, contacting friends who had adopted, searching the internet, and setting up a meeting with a local attorney. After gathering all of the information we could and praying constantly, we decided to go with an agency.  In January 2012 we began the paperwork process for a domestic adoption with “A Gift of Hope Adoptions.”  Our home study and profile were complete in March and we began the waiting process.  Two weeks later I got a call from my sister’s friend telling me about a local private adoption!!! Of course we were very interested, so I contacted the family.  We got some information from them about the situation.  The birthmom was 18 years old and low functioning and had been taken advantage of by an older man.  My heart broke for her.  She was due September 10, 2012.  Her mom told me there was another couple interested in adopting the baby.  So we continued our wait…and then…two weeks later we got another call from the same family and the couple had decided not to adopt the baby.  We contacted our attorney with the information, and initially there were some red flags that he told us were of concern. So we prayed about it, but God was leading us to follow through….this was OUR baby!   

Naturally my husband was very skeptical and guarded, but I was ALL in.  It was just a couple days later that the birthmom went to the doctor and found out what she was having.  I can remember the day like it was yesterday.  At the time I was babysitting and my husband and I had brought the kids I watched to the park to play.  We were talking about what we thought the baby would be…initially we were praying for a baby girl because we felt it would give us a fresh start after fostering our sweet nephew….however God in all His humor gives us a sweet baby BOY! Immediately after receiving the text with the ultra sound picture I was in LOVE. 

It was instantaneous for me.  That sweet boy was mine and my heart was overflowing.  I remember her texting me and asking me if that’s what we wanted?!? I said HE IS PERFECT!! I couldn’t have been any happier.  From this point on I was in contact with the family everyday through text.  It was in May that I was able to bring the birthmom to a doctor appointment and not only meet her for the very first time, but also hear my sweet baby boy’s heartbeat for the very first time! It was so strong!

Throughout the summer we continued to bring the birthmom to all of her doctor appointments, as well as swimming, a concert, and picnics.  We just spent time getting to know her.  She gave us a few different scares that required us to go to the ER, but everything always turned out to be okay.  God truly turned something awful into something wonderful…like only He can.  He completely awed me and met us in our deepest despair and truly answered ALL of our prayers.  One thing I wanted more than anything was to experience the pregnancy and birth of my child…and He allowed us to do that in more ways than I ever could have imagined. Not only did I get to bring her to all of her doctor appointments, but she allowed both my husband and I to be there for her whole labor and delivery! 

The doctor decided to induce the birthmom on September 9^th at 5 a.m. She labored for almost 21 hours and our sweet boy came into the world at 1:52 am on September 10, 2012 (my husband’s grandpa’s birthday).  He weighed 7 lbs 12 oz and 21 ½ inches long. We named him Grayson Samuel Morey.  Samuel means “prayed for” which couldn’t have been more fitting for our sweet boy.  Both Grayson and his birthmom gave us quite the scare.  Grayson came out with meconium all over him and didn’t cry for 5 minutes…longest 5 minutes of my life! Then they had to suction him out to make sure he didn’t aspirate any meconium.  After they got him all cleaned up I got to be the first to hold him! It was the sweetest moment of my life…Grayson immediately stopped crying and just stared at me…like he was taking me all in! He was so alert. 

 
Then his birthmom started hemorrhaging so they took my husband, Grayson, and I across the hall for what seemed like an eternity.  We were so in love with our sweet blessing, but scared for his birthmom.  Finally, they came in and we were able to bring Grayson to meet her for the first time! Such an incredibly sweet moment for the four of us!   

 
The hospital was able to give us our own room with Grayson and we brought him to visit his birthmom a few times until he was released.  Today we have a very open relationship with her.  We text often and we have visits every three months.  If you had asked us at the beginning of our adoption journey if we wanted an open adoption, we would have told you no…we were very hesitant.  But today I couldn’t imagine not having an open relationship with our son’s birthmom.  I absolutely love that our son has the opportunity to know her.  And as he grows up he will be able to ask any questions he has. 

Grayson’s adoption story is the biggest testament to God’s faithfulness and answers to prayer.  For me there’s no other explanation for it.  I remember leaving the hospital and the social workers and nurses telling us that his adoption was the most healthy and smoothest adoption they had ever seen.  I have no doubt it was God.  My biggest prayer throughout the process was for comfort and peace for Grayson’s birthmom…and God answered that prayer in so many ways.  She was so at peace with her decision…never once did she question it.  The joy we saw on her face after he was born was indescribable.  God gave her so much peace in choosing us to be Grayson’s mommy and daddy.