Our adoption journey began in 2009. My husband and I were always on the same page that we would only be willing to adopt domestically. Not because we had anything against international adoption, but because our hearts were drawn to the many children here, even within driving distance, that desperately needed a family to love them too.
In 2010, after extensive research on which domestic adoption
avenue to use, we chose to become licensed foster parents and went on to also
get our state adoptive license. We
quickly had our eyes opened to the foster care system and the ups and downs
within it. We had 7 children come
through our home in a short span of 5 months! We had some very difficult cases, each one stretching our
strength, faith and endurance to continue.
Our first case was two young sisters, left to fend on their
own by a drug-riddled mother. They
left our home to live with their biological father. Shortly after that, we had the baby boy whom we loved
whole-heartedly and wanted desperately to adopt. He came to us at 11 months old, beaten, with a broken
collarbone. After two months of
helping him and nurturing him, he was returned to his parents purely because of
a legalist paperwork mistake. The
attorney had not filed some documents correctly and charges were dropped,
negating the facts that his parents were homeless and on drugs and the cause of
his injuries. We were torn apart
and so frustrated with the system.
The next couple came and went quickly. Then, in mid-December, we got the case that scared us beyond
comprehension. Two brothers, ages
7 and 10 months, were removed from their home because of extensive abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you the
horror of the situation. What
scared us though, was that the baby was barely living. His mother had been poisoning him and
at 10 months old, only weighed a mere 10 pounds. His kidneys were failing and he was unable to retain any
food. We begged foster care to
find additional help for him. My
“momma bear” came out when I felt like these boys weren’t getting the attention
they desperately needed. In the
end, our voices were heard and on December 22, 2010, the boys were put in a
home with a licensed nurse who saw the severity of the situation. The baby was taken immediately to
Children’s Mercy in Kansas City to seek treatment. By Christmas of 2010, Sam and I felt like we had taken on
more than we could handle. It was
heart-wrenching to release the children back into their previous
situations. We were physically and
emotionally drained. We decided
then that we were going to stop being foster parents and go a more
“traditional” agency route. We
researched further until we came across Adoption Center of Hope. Adoption Center of Hope is neither an
agency nor private; they are an adoption facilitation organization which works
both with adoptive parents and directly with expectant birthmothers in all
walks of life. In February 2011,
we signed our contract with Adoption Center of Hope and began the new journey
to find our birthmother match.
But God had another plan. Our will is not His will.
Nearly 5 months after we’d quit foster care and contracted
with our new agency, we received “the call”. Anyone who has adopted will understand. You never forget it. April 28th, 2011 at 3:30 pm,
we got a call from a social worker.
She explained that while she realized we had quit foster care, she had a
case that she thought we might be interested in. She asked if we wanted to step back into foster care one more time. I listened to the details and then called my husband in
tears. I was terrified! We both were. We really didn’t want to re-enter foster care again, and
we’d just paid lots of money for our contract fees, but something inside us
(God’s direction) told us to take the chance again. We took the leap of faith!
Within 3 hours… yes, you read that right, 3 HOURS… we had
our little 6-pound bundle of joy in our arms.
Sam holding Eli for the first time
He was 5 days old and had been abandoned at a hospital just 30
minutes from our house.
Birthmother had been on drugs when she went into labor and then less
than 12 hours after having a c-section, left without ever looking back. Because of the drug use, our little
baby was kept under observation but, miraculously, did not test positive or
have any issues.
Due to state laws, we were not allowed to pursue the
adoption case until he was at least 6 months old so we were put on legal
guardian status. So started the
most nerve-wracking, anxious and wonderful months of our lives!! We were new parents and we were elated,
but we were also fearful to bond completely with him, afraid that our hearts
would be broken again (due to past foster care experiences). Really though, how can you protect
yourself from falling completely in love with a baby in your arms?
First family picture
Add to that the social worker visits,
paperwork and court hearings; then a paternal grandmother from another state
took us to court to try and get custody of him, only to later back out. Other than her, no family members ever
came forward. EXACTLY 6 months to
the day, we filed for adoption status and 10 months and 4 days after he was
born, Eli was welcomed into our family forever! The sigh of relief we felt on that day, having those
documents in our hands, is indescribable.
Eli at 6 months
ADOPTION DAY!!!!
And so our journey continues…. Eli will be turning 3 this
year and is still the biggest blessing we’ve ever received. He desperately wants to be a big brother
though! In September 2012, we
re-opened our original contract with Adoption Center of Hope. They had been wonderful to work with
and had been amazingly supportive when we received Eli. Due to our situation, they agreed to
place our contract on “hold” and we lost neither contract length nor money with
them.
The last 16 months have been extremely difficult in a
different way. First, there’s been
the waiting and waiting and waiting... the birthmothers that consider us as a
potential match but ultimately choose another family… the excitement and then
the disappointment. Then, we were finally
matched in August 2013 to a birthmother that was going to bless us with our
second baby boy. However, she turned
out to have undiagnosed mental instability and other issues. Because of this, Adoption Center of
Hope found it necessary to pull us from the situation two months later. We were left stunned. Not only did we have to deal with our
own disappointment but also telling our son that the baby brother that he had
been preparing for wasn’t coming now.
By God’s profound peace and grace, we cried, prayed, and then got up,
brushed ourselves off and prepared to wait some more. Then, on December 3rd, we received a call about
another potential match, needing our approval to proceed; however, there was a
“catch”. The birthmother was going
into pre-term labor in 5 days due to some health complications. The baby would only be 28 weeks
gestation. And they needed an
answer by the next morning. Oh my,
the emotions we experienced! We
had my mother come pick up our son so that my husband and
I could have some serious prayer and discussion time. We prayed for God’s peace to come over us if we were to
accept this situation. We prayed
for answers. We sought wise
counsel. After 12 hours, late into
the night, we decided that we did not feel God leading us in this
direction. We called Adoption Center
of Hope the next morning and told them we could not accept this match. It was extremely hard to say no but they
understood completely and began the search for the adoptive family that wanted to
take on this situation.
Unfortunately, we received that answer we’d been looking for 4 days later. The baby did not survive his
birth. Even though he wasn’t ours,
we were so sad for the adoptive family that had been driving to meet him. We were sad for the birthmother. We were sad for a future this baby
would never have.
So our journey is not over. We do not know how long it will take to add to our family
again, but we can tell you from experience that God’s timing is perfect. Even if we don’t like to admit that. And honestly, I don’t like to. I am not a patient person. I want what I want and I want it
now. But adoption doesn’t work
that way. Neither does pregnancy,
parenthood or marriage.
The main thing that I’ve learned from these
experiences? It doesn’t matter if
your child is overseas in some far away land, or if they are here in the U.S.
waiting to be born, or if they are in your arms but not “yours” yet… each one
is hard. Each one includes
waiting, patience and prayer. You
have given your heart to another and you have little to no control over the situation. Life is full of uncertainties, but even
though we may not understand, God’s got it all worked out in the end. Therefore, if it’s not OK in your
situation right now, take heart!
It’s not the end yet.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “…
plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Christmas 2013
Jenny Madsen is a full-time mom to a highly active,
exceptionally smart, almost-3-year-old little boy, Elijah. She has been married to her amazing
husband, Sam, for nearly 10 years and can’t imagine a better partner in life or
parenting. She will be celebrating
a milestone birthday this year and can think of no better present than becoming
a family of 4.
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