Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Confessions of a Waiting Mommy: I am the Lord, your God.

I am the Lord, your God.

In the fall of 2012, we built a house. Let’s be real, we didn’t actually build it ourselves. If that were the case we would be homeless at this point. Neither my husband nor I have much skill in the carpentry/electrical/plumbing/really anything remotely resembling construction area. I remember going to build houses in Mexico with my youth group in high school and it was always quite an interesting experience. My friends and I would help as much as we could but we usually ended up playing with the neighborhood kids. I think the homeowners were thankful when they saw us put our hammers and saws down in exchange for soccer balls and baby dolls.

Anyway, back to my original point. When we built our house, our amazing builders gave us a family Bible and encouraged us to read through the entire Bible in a year. We thought this would be a fun challenge and something really beneficial to us and our ministries, so we decided to do it through the year 2013.

I’m a pastor. My husband is a pastor. The Bible is kind of a big deal for us. But we had NO idea how impactful reading the Bible as an entire story would be for us as individuals, us as a couple, and us as adoptive parents. To see the gospel laid out from beginning (like legit Adam and Eve beginning) to end was incredible. We felt like we, for the first time, were reading a narrative instead of just bits and pieces of wisdom here and there.

One of the most influential aspects of scripture was a theme running through the Old Testament. After Moses frees the Israelite slaves from their captivity in Egypt and they begin wandering the desert, there are SO many times the Israelites panic and complain and question whether or not God is actually going to lead them to the Promised Land. They doubt his faithfulness because they cannot see the full plan laid out in front of them.

Pause here. THIS IS SO ME. I am all about following the Lord’s leading on things. I love stepping out in faith and taking risks that God has called me to take. I’m a little bit of a spontaneity-junkie so this kind of thing is right up my alley. HOWEVER, I am not all about walking in faith. I want to see the plan. I want to see the itinerary. I want to know what adventure is coming next. I want to see the destination and keep my eyes focused on it. The Israelites were all in when Moses said “It’s go time, grab that unleavened bread and peace out.” However, when they started wandering the wilderness and didn’t have the end in sight, they panicked and questioned God’s faithfulness.

When God said, “Hey Maggie & Isaac, it’s go time. Adopt a child. Start that paperwork. The time is now.” - we were all in. It wasn’t a long drawn out process of us going back and forth asking if we should or shouldn’t. We literally had one conversation about it and were so confident in God’s leading that we knew adoption was what we needed to do. I don’t say this to brag or to say “look how faithful we are,” because that is the furthest thing from the truth. As willing as I was to step out and begin the process, I was even more unwilling to trust him through it.

Throughout the Old Testament, we see the Israelites begging God for answers, questioning his plan, and demanding to know the destination. Each time this happens, God simply says “I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.” He is referring them back to his greatest act of faithfulness in their lives. He is saying, “You are doubting that I know what I’m doing BUT remember who I am. I am the one who rescued you from slavery. I am the one who gave you freedom. I am the one who began this journey in the first place. I AM.”

When our adoption journey took turns that we weren’t prepared for, we were reminded of these passages, and reminded of God’s previous faithfulness. Every time something fell through, God referred us back to the times when he made a way out of something impossible. Every time we felt defeated, God referred us back to a time when he claimed victory. Every time we doubted that adoption was for us, God referred us back to the very moment when he opened our hearts to it.

We’re slow learners so we knew if we weren’t constantly reminded of the ways God was faithful, that we would lose sight of them. We put up a chalkboard in our house that we have to look at every time we walk into our bedroom. We started listing ways that God showed his unbelievable power and mercy throughout our process. Every day we are reminded of his faithfulness in our adoption journey. I want to never lose sight of that or forget those moments when he made a way for the impossible.

“I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” Psalm 81.10

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