Confessions of a Waiting Mommy

I would like to give a big round of applause to the first person to ever refer to an adoption journey as a “roller coaster.” Bravo. You have successfully summed up what is taking place in my heart in 2 simple words.

Throughout this journey, I have been overwhelmed with the most beautiful kind of happiness. I have felt excited and expectant, dreaming of what it will be like to welcome a child into our home.  I’ve imagined the feeling of becoming a mother to a child who is mother-less. I’ve daydreamed about holding and comforting this child in a way they maybe have never experienced before. I’ve contemplated the joy that comes from knowing we are following the call God has placed on our lives.

However, I’ve also doubted that God really knew what He was doing when He called us to this. I’ve questioned whether or not I wanted to continue on. I’ve put my faith in my version of this journey and taken the authorship away from the One who began the story in the first place. The days of waiting have been long. The complexity of the paperwork has been frustrating. The lack of steps forward has been discouraging. The destination has felt so far away that it slipped out of sight.

It’s in these times that I have no choice but to remember our purpose. We did not begin this adoption journey simply to become parents or to add another member to our family. We began this adoption journey because of the gospel. We believe God has called us to adopt in order that we may show the deepest love and hope imaginable to this child and to this world. I cannot think of a more beautiful earthly representation of the gospel than adoption, and having the opportunity to show that to this world through our family’s story is an unbelievable blessing.

I pray for strength to walk through this journey with my eyes focused on the One who makes all things new. I pray for wisdom to walk through this journey on the path laid out for us. I pray for humility to walk through this journey knowing that the frustration of the obstacles can in no way compare to the tragedy and loss suffered by the very child we are on this journey for. I pray for grace to walk through this journey knowing I will fail, but knowing even more that Christ’s power is made perfect in my weakness.