This is the story of a family that God has grown. When I looked up the word “biological”
to try and find some other word to describe it, the word “organic” popped
up. I like that word better. It better describes our family. Organic: of, related to, derived from living
matter (Google’s “meaning of organic”). Yes, that’s it.
We are of each other because
we love each other. And the blood
that unites us may not have the same DNA, but it was shed for all of us. With each one of us in mind, knowing
our lives needed His perfect blood because everything else is so deficient—He
gave His life so we could live.
We got started growing our family right away after we got
married. We brought our first
little one home about a month after our first anniversary! With each stage, we have left it up to
the Lord to make it happen. We
didn’t know how long it might take to get pregnant or if I would have successful
pregnancies, etc. Conversations
always included adoption as well.
But where do you even start with that? We weren’t exactly “trying,” but we weren’t exactly doing
anything to not try either. And then BAM! I always tell people, “He winked at me, and I got pregnant.” So, there we were trying to finish
school (which we’re still doing 11 years and 3 undergraduate degrees, 2 Masters
degrees, and 1 (almost) PhD later!), living technically below the poverty
level, and jumping into life with both feet! We were thrilled, and scared to death! But as you all know, life keeps
going. You can’t stop it. Sometimes I want to—not just because
I’m scared of the future, but because I want to freeze moments and dwell in
them. Like hearing that first
heart beat over the Doppler. Or
finally looking into the face of the sweet child you’ve been anticipating for
so long. Or maybe even freezing a
date night with the hubby—just for a few extra hours together. Those would be nice frozen moments,
don’t you think?
The growth of our family has not come without growing
pains. We’ve lived on very tight budgets. We’ve lived in cramped quarters. We’ve moved. A lot. But the
Lord has always provided. And we
have felt His leading to each of the places we’ve been. Certainly there were times of
questioning—you know, when it got hard or uncomfortable. And yes, we thought about leaving and
giving up. But we are not a people
who leave and give up! We are
followers of Christ. So, we
follow. Faithfully. Even when it’s hard. The one pregnancy we talked about “trying”
for ended in a miscarriage. Our
oldest son was just over a year old.
We thought it was a good time to start trying for baby #2. Once again, I got pregnant right
away. Around two and a half months
later we found out we had lost the baby.
Sometimes I feel like that heartbreaking day at the ultrasound is frozen
in my mind. The pain and grief can
still wash over me with such a vengeance even after all these years. In the middle of us trying to find our
bearings again and praying healing for my body, it happened again. It was the Lord. And by the time we figured out I was
pregnant, we were well into the second trimester and baby was healthy. We rejoiced! And this time we were having a girl. We talked about whether or not to try
for #3. We finally decided the Lord
was telling us to wait it out to the end of the year for his answer. I supposed that if we were pregnant by
the end of the year that was a “yes,” and if not, “no.” Well, the New Year came and went. I didn’t think it was possible that I
would have become pregnant because of my history while nursing a baby (which I
was presently doing)—#nocycle, #freebirthcontrol. Well, the Lord had other ideas. And sure enough, at the end of January I became suspicious. Remember how I mentioned the Lord had
said to wait until the end of the year?
Well, literally, I will never forget the moment my doctor said to me
when we were confirming the pregnancy, “Oh, it looks like this must have
happened on New Year’s Eve!” It doesn’t get anymore “end of the year” than that,
folks! We were confident after
this pregnancy the Lord was telling us our biological family was complete. However, we didn’t feel like were done
growing as a family. We weren’t
sure what it would look like, but we began praying, dreaming, and waiting. Oh, the waiting. Am I right?!
Fast forward about 5 years. Our oldest son was 8, our daughter 6, and our youngest son
at the time was 5. It was
time. We began searching and
praying for answers, for direction from the Lord. I had spent some time in the country of Haiti during my
college years, and the people of Haiti had never left my heart. We started there. It was a dead end with all the current
(at the time) rules and regulations, we didn’t qualify. Where now? We started talking to agencies who gave us all the countries
we did qualify for. We marked all
of them on our globe and prayed.
And waited. We knew some
missionary friends in the Eastern Caribbean, and we also knew a family who had
begun their adoption process through the same country. After a few conversations we decided
THIS WAS IT! We got connected with
the right people, and we were officially on a list! We were doing an international private adoption. As my 4th grader sometimes
says, “That’s cray cray!” And it
was! Communication was limited and
sometimes confusing. Most of the
time I didn’t know what I should be doing or what I should be expecting. Praise the Lord for a family a few
months ahead of us in the process—they were a constant resource. Not just for practical and technical
purposes, but for encouragement and sanity purposes as well! So began the process of
hurry-up-and-wait! Paperwork. Waiting. Paperwork.
Waiting. We’re at the top
of the list. Waiting. I’ll spare a lot of the details in
between—though there are some precious gems of God’s divine intervention. (He’s pretty awesome!)
Finally a referral.
A pregnant young mom.
Gender of baby unknown.
Health of baby unknown. Due
in 8 weeks or so. YES! Without hesitation. We knew this was our baby! More waiting. The baby was due at the end of December. And HE was the best Christmas present
ever! We waited 6 more months
after he was born to finally hold him in our arms. His foster mom is one of the most amazing women I have ever
met in my life. I feel so blessed
to know her. Her love for the Lord
and for children is incredible.
She would give her life, and quite frankly, is giving her life to help children in desperate need. She took the best care of our sweet
baby boy for 6 months, and then handed him over to us. The process of going to get him and
bring him home was incredible. Not
only was it amazing to meet him and spend time in his birth country and even
meet his birth mother and hear her story, but it was also one of the hardest
things I’ve ever had to do in my life.
We were away from our three bigger kids for an indefinite amount of
time. We thought maybe two weeks,
at the most 2.5 weeks. Three and a
half weeks later we were finally reunited as a family again! I can see many positive things for the
time we spent bringing him home now. (At the time, not so much.) I am overwhelmed and thankful for the journey the Lord has
us on, and the way He is growing our family. All the days of waiting and paperwork and being separated
from family—they seem so far away now.
Almost gone. The joy and
delight right before my very eyes blocks it all out these days…
I know that many people have very hard “growing family”
stories. Whether it be waiting
periods without end. Or trying so
hard and experiencing failure and heartbreak. Referrals that don’t come to fruition. Saying “yes” and hearing back
“no.” The depth of faith and
testing and trust that some endure is incredible. Once again, I’m drawn to think of what unites all of
us. The thing that makes us all
family. The blood. His blood. Shed
for us. The blood running through
our veins at this very moment is temporary. But His blood that unites us is eternal. My prayer for each of you reading this
is that His blood would cover you and your family—whatever that looks
like. That He would unite you in
an eternal way more than an official or biological or lawful way. Oh that we would all be eternally
united—knitted together in Him.
That’s family.
“For all these things are for your sake, so that the grace
that is including more and more people may cause thanksgiving to increase to
the glory of God. Therefore, we do
not despair, but even if our physical body is wearing away, our inner person is
being renewed day by day. For our
momentary, light suffering is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far
beyond all comparison because we are not looking at what can be seen but at
what cannot be seen. For what can
be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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