September Spotlight: Foster Care

Follow us this month as we share the Joys and Difficulty of Foster Care.  

Please show our guest bloggers some love by leaving encouraging comments, liking, and sharing their posts.  

Our prayer is that those of you in the foster care community will be encouraged this month and that others will consider the blessing of opening up your home to children in need.

CONNECTING: with my spouse {Charlie and Me}

I sat on the couch, coffee in hand, pen and paper in lap, and contemplated the many ways my husband and I connected with each other during our adoption adventures.  And then I realized these connections were not the result of some miraculous epiphany; these bonds formed many years before we adopted our oldest boy, and continue to develop and evolve throughout our life together.

I can’t recall the exact moment or life event that opened my mind to the possibility of adoption as a way to build my future family, but by the time I entered my sophomore year in high school I knew my role as a parent in the far-off future would somehow involve adoption.  In fact, I was so convicted to this abstract decision that four years later, during the early dating phase of our relationship, I asked my then-boyfriend, Charlie, his thoughts on adoption.

“I would absolutely adopt a child,” he told me.  And that was when I knew I would eventually marry the boy.

Many years passed, and, as is often the case in marriages, life threw us some curve balls.  After one particularly painful and emotionally draining fork in our parenting road, I looked at Charlie and said, “I think it’s time for us to adopt.”

“Make some phone calls,” he replied.

We met with a local adoption attorney and I spoke with the director of a local crisis pregnancy center.  Both offered the same suggestion, “Contact the Gladney Center in Ft. Worth.  They’re the best.”

The next decision then presented itself: international or domestic adoption?  Charlie and I discussed our options and chose international adoption.  But, what country?  The answer revealed itself through Charlie’s disclosure to me that his mother’s family immigrated to America from Kiev in the early 1900’s.  Suddenly the choice was clear and we began the process of adopting through Gladney’s Russian adoption program.

The more Charlie and I talked and dreamt about our adoption possibilities, the easier our decisions became.  And when Gladney finally sent information about a baby ready to meet his new family, we immediately agreed to accept the referral.

Pregnancy and adoption both naturally draw a couple together as they prepare their home to become a haven for a family, not just two people sharing living quarters.  But, unlike pregnancy (where the woman’s body nurtures and protects the growing fetus while the man benignly watches from the sidelines), adoption allows both parents to work as equal partners in bringing the new child into the family.  Charlie and I worked in tandem to complete paperwork, make decisions, and prepare our home to welcome the newest member of our family. This combined effort culminated in our standing side by side before a judge in a courtroom halfway around the world, equally sharing in the euphoria that accompanies the “birth” of a child.

I am thankful to have a partner with whom I not only share all the ups and downs and responsibilities and exuberance that go along with parenting but who also harbors the same convictions and similar emotional ties to our children.  To me there is no connection more powerful or fulfilling.  This continuous bond brings me great joy in my journey as a wife, a mother, and a person, and I am forever grateful I found it with such an amazing and compassionate partner.

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Dawn Sticklen lives in Joplin, MO with her husband and four children, two of whom are adopted from Russia.  She writes the blog, 'Since You Asked...', where she hopes to make the world a better place, one blog post at a time.

CONNECTING: with birthparents

Her Facebook status read:

                “I’m EQUIVALENT to a high school graduate!! That’s right, I beat the GED!  Wahoo!” 

As I read her post, I was overwhelmed, excited and so pleased for her.  I have known her through 13 years of struggles, trials and JOYS!  But it is the joys that diminish all the other moments and make the relationship worth every minute!  She has worked so hard to get to this point in her life and I am blessed to share this moment with her….because I always knew she could do it!  I LOVE THIS WOMAN!  

I love hearing about her journey!  I love knowing she will always be a part of my life and family. I loved telling her daughter she received her GED and seeing the smile on her face, as we talk about what that means. But most of all, I LOVE that because of her…some pretty precious little people call me “Momma.”  

She is the birthmother of my daughter, Mackenzie, and her half-brother, Gage.  She is my friend and I am so grateful that God joined our lives together.

Mackenzie and her birthmother

My name is Emily, and God has loaned me six beautiful angels!  Our oldest, Michael (23), was our nephew before he became our son.  Miranda (22) was crazy enough to adopt US as her parents 3 years ago.  Mackenzie (12) was a private domestic adoption.  Mason (10) and Zeke (5) were adopted through foster care.  Currently, we are in the process of adopting Gage (9) from a kinship foster placement.  With each child’s adoption we have been taken on a new road in our journey and on that road we usually gain more than one passenger.  I LOVE that!!  We not only gain this beautiful new life in our family, but we also have the privilege of welcoming birthparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, sometimes previous foster families and if we are fortunate enough…even more grandparents!

My children are each connected, in one way or another, to one or many members of their birth family.  I can honestly say that when our adoption journey began over 17 years ago, I had no idea my family would include such a diverse group of individuals.  While I LOVE explaining all the branches of our family tree, it is rather confusing and I would hate to lose you!  I will say we have an amazing bond with two of our kiddos' older brother, who lives with his biological father and step mom.  This young man is fourteen and would do anything for his little brother and sister.  I am still so overjoyed that his father brought him to the hospital when he was 2 and let him hold his baby sister in our hospital room.  

We are also blessed to have a “Pops.”  He is the great-grandfather of one of our sons.  He and his wife took our boy into their home when he was placed in foster care at 2. He is such a strong, caring man and he loves ALL of our children…as his grandchildren!  

We have had the opportunity to see birth mothers have more children and experience the pure JOY of motherhood.  We have had the opportunity to make memories with family members that thought they may never see this child again…I can’t imagine the feeling of loss…and don’t want to! 

Mackenzie and her two biological half-brothers

I came upon this verse, as I was preparing to write this blog, about connecting with birth families: “God sets the lonely in families.” ~Psalm 68:6

This is so true!  Isn’t it just amazing how He weaves all our journeys together?!  Praise the Lord!  Birth families are such an amazing connection to our childrens’ pasts and one more soul to love them through their future.  People always ask me, “How do you do it?”  My usual response is, “By God’s grace.”  

Building and forging a relationship with birth families is not always easy…and unfortunately, not always possible.  I am careful to keep some family members at arms-length, but if they are appropriate and have a genuine love for our child…why would I say no?!?  As an adoptive parent, you ALWAYS have the right to say no…you are their PARENT!  But if you are given an opportunity…or if God so directs your path…open your hearts to the possibility of loving these extended family members too!  I LOVE the JOY these individuals bring to my life and my child’s!  This is how we are finding the JOY in our JOURNEY!!                                        

                      

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My name is Emily.  I spend about 10 months out of the year being the secretary at my childrens' elementary school.  I love my job, coworkers, and environment!  I love taking my children to work with me and being there when they have finished a hard day at school.  I was recently invited to be on the Orphan Care Ministry Team at our church and I love where God is leading me!!