CONNECTING: Adoption and The Love of Community

Adoption has ultimately called us into the gripping of hands, the baring of brokenness, and sowing of hearts.  It has called us to the dredging of loss and abandonment, to the sifting of forgotten memories.  Adoption beckons us to the hollowing of self into the healing and redeeming embrace of Community. 

Journey Together Kiddos

Shortly after the adoption of our first daughter I found myself overwhelmed with change.  I was a thirty-six year old, first time mommy, who had no idea how to parent a child.  I had read all the books, and watched the videos, but I had no solid reference point I could draw from.  I was having an identity crisis and like sandpaper, I became overwhelmed with the rubbing and grating of thoughts.  I began to question my qualifications and abilities of being a mother altogether.  "You're not good enough."  "There's a reason you're barren."  "She will never love you."  The rejection I felt from our daughter in those first few months, {which is a normal grieving process for an adopted child} only secluded me further into unforeseen depths of inadequacies. Almond eyes, uninviting and avoiding, spilled with grief that would haunt my days and weeks after she arrived home.   

My life had changed overnight, and I felt on many days, ill equipped.  I had become overwhelmed with the feelings I had never heard anyone talk about. The rawness of emotion attempted to draw me deeper into seclusion and everything about my life had changed.  In those first weeks and months - a collision.  The great collide of me - who I once was, who I envisioned I would be, and the reality of who I was, attempted to keep me in darkness.  For months I didn't speak to friends, or old co-workers, or family, or have any interest in anything beyond drywall and drawn curtains.  

I found myself in a battle that had more to do with me than the adoption of my daughter.   I had two choices  

1) - Give it all up and go back to the old life I once found comfortable and easy, or 

2) - Allow God to excavate and unearth all I was hiding within my own heart to ultimately use me.  He would bring me out of darkness. He would call me into a community full of other adoptive moms.  These adoptive mommas would be the ones I would one day cry with, do life with, gripping of hands to connect many, many, more together through adoption.  

I am part of an amazing community of families that stretch the globe and together we parent without borders, because our Heavenly Father fathers beyond boarders.  These amazing children and families share their heartbreaks and their experiences with one another and bring every ounce of brokenness and joy into His marvelous light.  He has called us to share each others burdens, and I am so thankful I don't have to do this alone.  I am blessed beyond measure that Journey Together Ministries, founded by two of the most amazing people, brought together countless adoptive families whose children now have the privilege of identifying with one another as adoptees.  This was the community many of us prayed for.  It's a Community which seeks to encourage, educate, and share, because in community we will find grace amongst the broken beginnings of our children.  We can cling tightly to one another as we find healing, drawing us closer to the Kingdom of God; Because He wastes nothing, and uses it ALL!   

I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who predestined me to walk this amazing journey of adoption.  He chose the gift of adoption to draw me closer to Him and to seek Him.  Adoption and community have taught me that All is Grace.  

Adoption beckons us into the grace and healing of community.  Are you overwhelmed since the adoption of your child or are you struggling with infertility and longing to be a parent?  Is He calling you to find healing in Community?  I encourage you to be part of an Adoption Community that you will one day call family.  If you don't have an adoption community in your area prayerfully consider starting one of your own.   

Community  in Prayer

Doing Life Together

Community illuminates the love of The Father through the adoption of our children. And within community He has done immeasurably more than anything we could have asked or imagined.  

About Sharon:

I’m a Ragamuffin Writer, A Lyoness Heart; Chosen as a mother through the gift of adoption. I’m a wife, a mother, a nurse, a blogger & lover of Jesus. I love all things adoption both the bitter & the sweet.  I am a Daughter of The King most High, who was chosen, adopted, forgiven, & redeemed, and because of His love for me ~ I am committed to defending the Fatherless.

The Lyon Family

October Spotlight: Connecting

The time is almost here...just ten more days until the registration for the first ever Joy in the Journey Retreat goes LIVE!  Set your alarms for Friday, October 11th at 6:00 p.m.  Details and pre-registration tickets will be available RIGHT HERE on the blog home page at that time.

To save the postage and be good stewards of our money, we are doing an E-invite, which is posted here and here.  Please share the invite far and wide...you never know who needs the connection and support of other adoptive/foster/prospective adoptive mamas!

Speaking of connection, since this is the big retreat registration month, the Joy in the Journey team felt this would be the PERFECT opportunity to focus on connecting and the importance of the encouragement of others who are on similar journeys.

We hope and pray that as you read through the stories and guest posts of other families connected by this beautiful, crazy, amazing, difficult, struggle-filled, joy-filled journey of adoption and foster care, you are filled with the joy that can only come from the true Joy-giver and are encouraged beyond your imagination.

YOU ARE INVITED!!

PERSPECTIVES: Bridging the Gap

Like all foster families, my wife and I went to our training classes and learned what was expected of us when it came to our relationship with the birth parents of our foster children. We were strongly encouraged to help “bridge the gap” between them and the state by acting as a mentor and to support them in their efforts to get their children back. My wife and I felt a strong prompting that this was something that God was calling us to. Then we read our placement papers…

My heart felt like it broke in two for what our foster children had endured in their short lives.  Now there is a difference between hearing about a child’s situation while being supportive of the “bridge program”, and holding that child in your arms while knowing that child’s story and being supportive of the “bridge program”.  And that difference is ENORMOUS!

Whenever I would think about my foster son’s story, hate would boil up inside of me towards his father who was in jail because of what he had done. I also felt that those feelings were valid because, who does that to their own child?   

source

A broken person, a broken man… 

This was the answer that I kept hearing over and over.  But this wasn’t the answer that I received from another person, it was the answer that God kept laying on my heart. I was reminded over and over that I had no right to judge him, but as a follower of Christ, I was called to love him.

This was tough to swallow let alone digest, but it gradually took root and my hate turned to compassion and I thought, “Ok, I’m good now, I can forgive him.”  But God wasn’t done.  He used my wife to urge me to go visit him in prison, and I gave her every excuse in the book, even though I knew that was exactly what I needed to do.  After about a week I contacted the jail and scheduled a visit with Thomas. I later found out that the week before my visit, the week that my wife had been prompted to tell me to visit him, Thomas had tried to commit suicide and that he had relinquished his rights to his only child.

The 24 year old man that I met that Sunday afternoon was broken, scared and without hope.  I told him who I was, that his son was safe and healthy and even though he had made a horrible mistake he still had a future ahead of him and that future was up to him.  He told me that he had only had 1 or 2 visitors during the six months that he had sat in his cell downtown.  I encouraged him to talk to the chaplain, I prayed with him and then assured him that someone would be there to visit him every week, either myself or one of the men from my men’s Bible study group.  Two days later when I met with my men’s group, they were shocked.  Not by what I told them, but by the work that God had done in my heart towards this man.  Then like the incredible group of men that they are, without hesitation, they said that they would stand in the gap with me.

Four weeks later Thomas asked if our group could visit with a couple of the guys on his floor.  Later when we visited the other inmates they told us the reason that they wanted us to visit and pray with them was because of the dramatic changes that they had seen in Thomas.  It was unbelievably humbling to discover what God was able to accomplish through our simple obedience. 

As an update, Thomas has accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior (as have two other inmates that our group had been meeting and praying with).  They are by no means “fixed” but they have started down a positive path, which for some of them is a first. I was blessed to take Thomas to his first church service since he was released from prison recently. He raised his hands and sang praises to our Savior, who rescued him from the clutches of Death.  

I tell this story with the hope that the Body of Christ will do more than judge, watch & listen. We need to ACT. It is our duty to help these birth parents with more than a “plan,” because if we don’t, we will never have enough foster parents. “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:22

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Seth is a devoted follower of Christ, husband and father to 7 children. He is passionate about fighting for the rights of the fatherless and encouraging others to do the same.  To find out more about his family and their journey, follow his wife's blog at http://aspiringearthmama.blogspot.com/.

CONNECTING: with my spouse {Charlie and Me}

I sat on the couch, coffee in hand, pen and paper in lap, and contemplated the many ways my husband and I connected with each other during our adoption adventures.  And then I realized these connections were not the result of some miraculous epiphany; these bonds formed many years before we adopted our oldest boy, and continue to develop and evolve throughout our life together.

I can’t recall the exact moment or life event that opened my mind to the possibility of adoption as a way to build my future family, but by the time I entered my sophomore year in high school I knew my role as a parent in the far-off future would somehow involve adoption.  In fact, I was so convicted to this abstract decision that four years later, during the early dating phase of our relationship, I asked my then-boyfriend, Charlie, his thoughts on adoption.

“I would absolutely adopt a child,” he told me.  And that was when I knew I would eventually marry the boy.

Many years passed, and, as is often the case in marriages, life threw us some curve balls.  After one particularly painful and emotionally draining fork in our parenting road, I looked at Charlie and said, “I think it’s time for us to adopt.”

“Make some phone calls,” he replied.

We met with a local adoption attorney and I spoke with the director of a local crisis pregnancy center.  Both offered the same suggestion, “Contact the Gladney Center in Ft. Worth.  They’re the best.”

The next decision then presented itself: international or domestic adoption?  Charlie and I discussed our options and chose international adoption.  But, what country?  The answer revealed itself through Charlie’s disclosure to me that his mother’s family immigrated to America from Kiev in the early 1900’s.  Suddenly the choice was clear and we began the process of adopting through Gladney’s Russian adoption program.

The more Charlie and I talked and dreamt about our adoption possibilities, the easier our decisions became.  And when Gladney finally sent information about a baby ready to meet his new family, we immediately agreed to accept the referral.

Pregnancy and adoption both naturally draw a couple together as they prepare their home to become a haven for a family, not just two people sharing living quarters.  But, unlike pregnancy (where the woman’s body nurtures and protects the growing fetus while the man benignly watches from the sidelines), adoption allows both parents to work as equal partners in bringing the new child into the family.  Charlie and I worked in tandem to complete paperwork, make decisions, and prepare our home to welcome the newest member of our family. This combined effort culminated in our standing side by side before a judge in a courtroom halfway around the world, equally sharing in the euphoria that accompanies the “birth” of a child.

I am thankful to have a partner with whom I not only share all the ups and downs and responsibilities and exuberance that go along with parenting but who also harbors the same convictions and similar emotional ties to our children.  To me there is no connection more powerful or fulfilling.  This continuous bond brings me great joy in my journey as a wife, a mother, and a person, and I am forever grateful I found it with such an amazing and compassionate partner.

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Dawn Sticklen lives in Joplin, MO with her husband and four children, two of whom are adopted from Russia.  She writes the blog, 'Since You Asked...', where she hopes to make the world a better place, one blog post at a time.

CONNECTING: with birthparents

Her Facebook status read:

                “I’m EQUIVALENT to a high school graduate!! That’s right, I beat the GED!  Wahoo!” 

As I read her post, I was overwhelmed, excited and so pleased for her.  I have known her through 13 years of struggles, trials and JOYS!  But it is the joys that diminish all the other moments and make the relationship worth every minute!  She has worked so hard to get to this point in her life and I am blessed to share this moment with her….because I always knew she could do it!  I LOVE THIS WOMAN!  

I love hearing about her journey!  I love knowing she will always be a part of my life and family. I loved telling her daughter she received her GED and seeing the smile on her face, as we talk about what that means. But most of all, I LOVE that because of her…some pretty precious little people call me “Momma.”  

She is the birthmother of my daughter, Mackenzie, and her half-brother, Gage.  She is my friend and I am so grateful that God joined our lives together.

Mackenzie and her birthmother

My name is Emily, and God has loaned me six beautiful angels!  Our oldest, Michael (23), was our nephew before he became our son.  Miranda (22) was crazy enough to adopt US as her parents 3 years ago.  Mackenzie (12) was a private domestic adoption.  Mason (10) and Zeke (5) were adopted through foster care.  Currently, we are in the process of adopting Gage (9) from a kinship foster placement.  With each child’s adoption we have been taken on a new road in our journey and on that road we usually gain more than one passenger.  I LOVE that!!  We not only gain this beautiful new life in our family, but we also have the privilege of welcoming birthparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, sometimes previous foster families and if we are fortunate enough…even more grandparents!

My children are each connected, in one way or another, to one or many members of their birth family.  I can honestly say that when our adoption journey began over 17 years ago, I had no idea my family would include such a diverse group of individuals.  While I LOVE explaining all the branches of our family tree, it is rather confusing and I would hate to lose you!  I will say we have an amazing bond with two of our kiddos' older brother, who lives with his biological father and step mom.  This young man is fourteen and would do anything for his little brother and sister.  I am still so overjoyed that his father brought him to the hospital when he was 2 and let him hold his baby sister in our hospital room.  

We are also blessed to have a “Pops.”  He is the great-grandfather of one of our sons.  He and his wife took our boy into their home when he was placed in foster care at 2. He is such a strong, caring man and he loves ALL of our children…as his grandchildren!  

We have had the opportunity to see birth mothers have more children and experience the pure JOY of motherhood.  We have had the opportunity to make memories with family members that thought they may never see this child again…I can’t imagine the feeling of loss…and don’t want to! 

Mackenzie and her two biological half-brothers

I came upon this verse, as I was preparing to write this blog, about connecting with birth families: “God sets the lonely in families.” ~Psalm 68:6

This is so true!  Isn’t it just amazing how He weaves all our journeys together?!  Praise the Lord!  Birth families are such an amazing connection to our childrens’ pasts and one more soul to love them through their future.  People always ask me, “How do you do it?”  My usual response is, “By God’s grace.”  

Building and forging a relationship with birth families is not always easy…and unfortunately, not always possible.  I am careful to keep some family members at arms-length, but if they are appropriate and have a genuine love for our child…why would I say no?!?  As an adoptive parent, you ALWAYS have the right to say no…you are their PARENT!  But if you are given an opportunity…or if God so directs your path…open your hearts to the possibility of loving these extended family members too!  I LOVE the JOY these individuals bring to my life and my child’s!  This is how we are finding the JOY in our JOURNEY!!                                        

                      

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My name is Emily.  I spend about 10 months out of the year being the secretary at my childrens' elementary school.  I love my job, coworkers, and environment!  I love taking my children to work with me and being there when they have finished a hard day at school.  I was recently invited to be on the Orphan Care Ministry Team at our church and I love where God is leading me!!