In Limbo: Raw

Three years ago we accepted the referral for a four-year-old boy.  We held his picture close; gazing at it often…dreaming of the day our arms would embrace.  It was a blissful time in our adoption journey.  Our faces beamed with smiles. It was everything we had hoped for since we started the process nine months earlier. 

 

Our celebration ended all too soon.  Ten days after we accepted “Z’s” referral, our world came crashing down.

 

This little boy, the one we had so quickly fallen in love with, was no longer available for adoption (for reasons we will never know or understand).

 

It rocked our world…and we fell on our knees and mourned. 

 

We embraced one another. Our family, friends and community held us close.  Those days were dark and tear-filled.  In ten days we had already fallen in love with this sweet child.  We had hopes and dreams for his future—and ours.

 

Yet, God picked us up from our fragile state.  He restored our joy and hope for things to come.

 

We were placed back on our agency’s waitlist and six months later we were given the referral for our son, Moses.  We brought him home nine months after that. Our mourning was turned into dancing.

 

Moses has been home for (almost) two years now.  From time to time thoughts of “Z” still pop into my head, for his picture is forever etched in my mind.  Those red sweatpants…the flip flops….his sweet smile.  My heart still aches for him.  Although we never met, our worlds collided and he forever changed us. I have no doubt that God used that sweet boy we named “Zeke” to work in our hearts and lives and prepare us for the rest of our journey. 

 

He’s a part of our story…one of surrender and heartache…and God’s richest blessings.

 

 

Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.

- Larry Crabb

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Emily: Daughter of the King, Wife to James, Mama to Moses (4 years) & Cora (3 months).  Lover of naps and chocolate. Striving to see the beauty in all things broken.