CONNECTING: with birthparents

Her Facebook status read:

                “I’m EQUIVALENT to a high school graduate!! That’s right, I beat the GED!  Wahoo!” 

As I read her post, I was overwhelmed, excited and so pleased for her.  I have known her through 13 years of struggles, trials and JOYS!  But it is the joys that diminish all the other moments and make the relationship worth every minute!  She has worked so hard to get to this point in her life and I am blessed to share this moment with her….because I always knew she could do it!  I LOVE THIS WOMAN!  

I love hearing about her journey!  I love knowing she will always be a part of my life and family. I loved telling her daughter she received her GED and seeing the smile on her face, as we talk about what that means. But most of all, I LOVE that because of her…some pretty precious little people call me “Momma.”  

She is the birthmother of my daughter, Mackenzie, and her half-brother, Gage.  She is my friend and I am so grateful that God joined our lives together.

Mackenzie and her birthmother

My name is Emily, and God has loaned me six beautiful angels!  Our oldest, Michael (23), was our nephew before he became our son.  Miranda (22) was crazy enough to adopt US as her parents 3 years ago.  Mackenzie (12) was a private domestic adoption.  Mason (10) and Zeke (5) were adopted through foster care.  Currently, we are in the process of adopting Gage (9) from a kinship foster placement.  With each child’s adoption we have been taken on a new road in our journey and on that road we usually gain more than one passenger.  I LOVE that!!  We not only gain this beautiful new life in our family, but we also have the privilege of welcoming birthparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, sometimes previous foster families and if we are fortunate enough…even more grandparents!

My children are each connected, in one way or another, to one or many members of their birth family.  I can honestly say that when our adoption journey began over 17 years ago, I had no idea my family would include such a diverse group of individuals.  While I LOVE explaining all the branches of our family tree, it is rather confusing and I would hate to lose you!  I will say we have an amazing bond with two of our kiddos' older brother, who lives with his biological father and step mom.  This young man is fourteen and would do anything for his little brother and sister.  I am still so overjoyed that his father brought him to the hospital when he was 2 and let him hold his baby sister in our hospital room.  

We are also blessed to have a “Pops.”  He is the great-grandfather of one of our sons.  He and his wife took our boy into their home when he was placed in foster care at 2. He is such a strong, caring man and he loves ALL of our children…as his grandchildren!  

We have had the opportunity to see birth mothers have more children and experience the pure JOY of motherhood.  We have had the opportunity to make memories with family members that thought they may never see this child again…I can’t imagine the feeling of loss…and don’t want to! 

Mackenzie and her two biological half-brothers

I came upon this verse, as I was preparing to write this blog, about connecting with birth families: “God sets the lonely in families.” ~Psalm 68:6

This is so true!  Isn’t it just amazing how He weaves all our journeys together?!  Praise the Lord!  Birth families are such an amazing connection to our childrens’ pasts and one more soul to love them through their future.  People always ask me, “How do you do it?”  My usual response is, “By God’s grace.”  

Building and forging a relationship with birth families is not always easy…and unfortunately, not always possible.  I am careful to keep some family members at arms-length, but if they are appropriate and have a genuine love for our child…why would I say no?!?  As an adoptive parent, you ALWAYS have the right to say no…you are their PARENT!  But if you are given an opportunity…or if God so directs your path…open your hearts to the possibility of loving these extended family members too!  I LOVE the JOY these individuals bring to my life and my child’s!  This is how we are finding the JOY in our JOURNEY!!                                        

                      

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My name is Emily.  I spend about 10 months out of the year being the secretary at my childrens' elementary school.  I love my job, coworkers, and environment!  I love taking my children to work with me and being there when they have finished a hard day at school.  I was recently invited to be on the Orphan Care Ministry Team at our church and I love where God is leading me!!

  

RESOURCE REVIEW: Black Baby, White Hands

It is my opinion that there are far too few resources about transracial adoption that are from the perspective and experience of the child.   There are many written by professionals in the field, and from parents, but Black Baby, White Hands is aptly subtitled: A View From the Crib.  It is a written by an African American man looking back on his adoption and upbringing by white parents. 

Jaiya John’s story is honest, fair, and almost astoundingly compassionate.  His journey, as detailed in his book, is what any good journey should be, full of stumbles and stretching in ways one never thought they could (or should) stretch.  It is a passage of learning who he is and changing who he expected himself to be.  Jaiya John is a born story teller.  His inherited and entirely unique talents result in a book that is beautifully written and reads like a Toni Morrison novel rather than a “How To” book.  The premise of this book is a black child being raised in the newly born “color blind” era of our nation, which led to his parents belief that if they didn’t recognize the color of his skin, he wouldn’t suffer from being different.  There is so much to learn from Jaiya as our nation slowly progresses past the idea that color doesn’t matter, and ventures into the realization of how much is still does. 

“Conversations we [my parents and I] might have had regarding my race may have led to outbursts, misunderstandings, and conflict.  But over time, the balance, I believe, would have tilted in favor of the benefits of our communication, rather than the alienation that emerged from overall avoidance of these issues.  What I yearned for then was a simple emotion.  I desired to feel welcome to bring race to our tongues if my heart needed it desperately.”

What you take from this book depends entirely on how open you are to the idea that Jaiya’s experience is not unique to him, or to the era, and how forgiving you are to yourself for not knowing differently.  There are so many profound moments in the novel that 100 of the 375 pages in my own book are turned down in the corners so that I can reference then again with family, colleagues and clients.  This is an important and significant book for anyone regardless of whether adoption or transracial adoption is a part of your life. 

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Kate Rocke, MSW has worked with children and families in crisis since 2001.  She previously worked in South America in an orphanage for two years.  For the last year she has worked as an Adoption and Foster Care Specialist in Seattle, WA, where she is also a co-trainer for two levels of transracial adoption education courses.  Kate is an aunt to a niece and nephew who joined her family through international adoption.  

Find Joy in the Journey Ebook Winner!

Congratulations,

Megan Myers Garcia

You won the latest giveaway!!  Please E-mail us at joyinthejourneyadoption@yahoo.com to let us know where we can send your prizes!!

Didn't win but want to purchase the Find Joy in the Journey E-book for yourself?  No problem!  Just click on the words below the book image to order. Happy reading!

Click here to visit Worthy of the Prize.

P.S. Click HERE for information and to enter our next giveaway!

Shopping with a Purpose {and another GIVEAWAY!}

Giveaway has ended.  Congratulations, Catrina!!

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I really love shopping.  However, shopping with multiple children provides quite a challenge!  In fact, over the last 8.5 years (since baby #1 was born into our family), my shopping habits have changed drastically.  Where I once frequented the mall and stores like my beloved Target, I now do much of my shopping from the comforts of my living room via the Internet.  There are both good and bad aspects about this, I think, but my favorite thing about shopping online is that the Internet provides this really amazing forum for easily making purchases that directly affect specific causes.  This was definitely advantageous as we raised funds for our adoption.  So, when we sat up this blog and the three of us were discussing different ways to encourage adoptive families, it just seemed natural that we would provide advertising space for families raising money for their adoptions.  Thus, the "Shopping with a Purpose" tab was born.

Options:

Basically, we will allow adoptive families to send us the necessary information (as outlined on the SwaP page) and we'll advertise there for as long as the fundraiser is taking place.  

A second option in addition to the advertising space is that a family can provide an item from their fundraiser for a giveaway and we will feature them on a feature blog post (like the one below).  This option will also mean free advertising through our Facebook page and Instagram account. 

Thirdly, if you are planning to attend the Joy in the Journey retreat in February, we are going to have some FREE booth space for people raising money for adoptions/orphan care.  See the Retreat Vendor tab for information on this option!

The 1500 Tree Project {and GIVEAWAY}:

Nate, Angie, and {future big brother} Levi Elder are currently in the process of completing their paperwork and waiting on a referral from Taiwan.  To raise money for their adoption, Angie has put together "The 1500 Tree Project", selling these adorable little hand-crafted trees on canvas.

The idea behind The 1500 Tree Project is to create and sell 1500 of these sweet little trees and fully fund their second adoption.  In Angie's words, The 1500 Tree Project is...

"1500 trees made. 1500 trees sold. One fully funded adoption.  But really, it’s so much more than that.  It’s cutting leaves out of colorful paper while my son toddles around the living room, babbling away. It’s thinking about designs as my husband plucks away at his upright bass guitar, practicing a bluegrass tune. It’s piecing together a tree when we chat about our days, with the low hum of the baby monitor buzzing in the background with our toddler’s sleeping breaths.  It means my son will gain a sibling who shares his birth country and our family.  It means one less orphan in the world.  The 1500 Tree Project is love and hope, poured into a little 6×6 canvas. Joy really is the heartbeat of our shop and the spirit I pour into every piece I produce."

Information for The 1500 Tree Project {including a link to order and a discount code for our readers} is currently listed in our Shopping with a Purpose page. 

In addition, Angie is hosting a GIVEAWAY right here, starting right now!  The winner of this giveaway will will receive one tree of their choice from Angie's store and will be announced at the close of the giveaway at midnight (central) on Monday, July 29th.

You may have up to two entries on this giveaway by answering the two questions on the Rafflecopter form below.  You will also get an additional FIVE entries if you purchase a tree during this giveaway and let us know about it on the Rafflecopter form!  Good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Adoption....Plan A or B??

Twelve years ago I sat across the table on a first date with my now husband.  We talked about our dreams, future plans, and adoption.  We both felt like God wanted us to eventually adopt.  We didn’t know exactly what that meant at the time but we knew that wherever God took us in our future relationship, with or without each other, adopting would be a part of that.  Little did we know that six years later (after a hard year of waiting) that first date chatter would become a reality for us as a couple. 

 

 Daddy and Kyler

 

 Mommy and Kyler

 

As I fell in love with the thought of adoption it was definitely my plan B.  I, like many others, planned to have children first through birth and then adopt.   As people first approach adoption, they come considering adoption as God’s plan B. It seems only natural to want to have children through birth. Giving birth is natural, designed by God with the whole process coming out of a loving relationship with your spouse. Adoption seems foreign, awkward, and filled with unknowns; hardly natural.  In other words...plan B.

                Most women long to be mothers.  They want to experience the joy that it has to offer.  What they don’t realize is the journey to that joy can be so difficult.  Many people adopt for a wide variety of reasons but regardless it is God’s plan A for their life.  This may not make sense to us, because God's plan A is only fully known to Him.  His plan A is a world that allows sin, suffering, and hardship. His plan A works through pain to accomplish His will in us and in the world.  If we believe in God’s plan, then orphans are not an accident. And our problems in having children are not accidental either. They are the super hard things, the difficult events that God will turn for good as we seek and follow Him. 

                Whether you are blessed with a child by birth or a child by adoption, knowing that God has placed him or her with you enables a child to know that your choice to parent a child was part of God’s plan. On the other hand, if it is made clear that adoption was your plan B, then you will communicate that there was a better plan, but it failed. You will leave room for doubt about your adopted daughter or son's true place in life and in your family.

                Adoption is God's perfect plan for transforming orphans into sons and daughters.  Adoption is God’s plan A.  Seven years and two beautiful children later I know that this is true.  Regardless of how God brought me to the place of adoption, it was always in His plans.  He knew my plan A and led me on a journey that only He could have orchestrated.  And for that…I am thankful. 

My plan A...

 

A Little Icing on the Cake...

So, here's some FUN news...Erin Franklin over at Worthy of the Prize is adding a little something to our giveaway!!

WOTP has been doing their Chosen Child program for quite a while and is currently working to expand that aspect of their ministry.  The next thing product they are adding to the program is this PRECIOUS little Chosen Child Hair Clip.

These are made by the talented moms over at sew.hip.mama.

And, {here's the icing on the cake part} she's letting us give one away!

We are adding this to our current giveaway, so hop on over here and scroll to the bottom to enter!  If you have already entered to win the "Find Joy in the Journey" e-book and Chosen Child Fit Band, you are automatically entered to win this as all three great prizes are going to one winner.  If not, be sure you get your entries in our rafflecopter entry form so that you don't miss your chance...giveaway ends Thursday at midnight!  Good luck! 

RESOURCE REVIEW and GIVEAWAY: Find Joy in the Journey

"It's hard to close the gap between what you thought would be and what God has actually put in front of you.  We grieved the life we had anticipated.  But when the two are finally reconciled, we see Him.  And when we see Him, joy abounds." ~Ginny, Chapter 4, Find Joy in the Journey

Erin Vick Franklin, founder/director of Worthy of the Prize Ministries was inspired to compile the stories for Find Joy in the Journey: how 12 women could face tomorrow just because He lives after enduring her own crisis and finding the Joy that comes only through Christ.  The crisis, which became the inspiration for the book, led her to the twelve women whose stories are featured in the newly released E-book.

Find Joy in the Journey peeks into the lives of the 12 women whose stories it tells with the purpose of inspiring and encouraging women as they endure varied crises.  Several of the stories throughout the book highlighted women who have struggled through the journey of adoption.  Though the stories are varied in the types of struggles, a common theme is woven throughout...no matter what the circumstances, when we look up and surrender control, the Lord provides true, unprecedented JOY.

I would highly recommend this easy-read for anyone, whether in a state of crisis or not, as it is an uplifting book pointing to the One who brings true joy.

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Now, for the GIVEAWAY!  One exciting part of this book is the impact it has had on this adoptive mama ministry.  When we were planning the retreat, the name of the book just kept coming back to us and we prayed about it and all felt a peace about using "Joy in the Journey" for the retreat/blog title.  When we contacted Erin about using the name, she was so gracious and even allowed us to promote the book on the blog.  Her designer, Mary Jo Smith of 517 Creations worked with us to create the graphics you see on the site.  Erin also allowed us to GIVE AWAY one copy of the book!!

Worthy of the Prize ministries also has a whole segment of their ministry devoted to Orphan Care.  One of the things they do to support orphan ministry is their Chosen Child Program, where adopting families can sign up to raise funds through them selling these great Fit Bands!

...and she's letting us give one of these away too!!

To enter the giveaway, fill out the form below.  You must answer the first question to be entered, then the other things are optional, giving you more opportunities to win.  The form will be open until next Thursday, July 25th at midnight.  Winner will be announced the following morning.  Good luck! :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway