PERSPECTIVES: Everyday Heros

I have a 2 year old boy who has recently discovered Batman.  This has been a whole new world for a family that only had girls for 7 years.  He is just fascinated with Batman and all superheroes in general, which has been a long-awaited dream come true for my husband living in a house full of women!  So we have the toys, books, movies, a lunch box, and even pajamas with a cape.  We have bought into his “hero” much like the rest of the world buys into their claimed heroes whether they are celebrities, singers, sports stars, or whoever the flavor of the month is. 

Kids love Batman because he willingly risks his body to defend a city he loves against evil.  My husband appreciates a baseball player who, though skilled, is well known for his charitable contributions.  Some heroes are admired because of their ability to sing, act, or play sports better than the general population.  Others are admired for their courage, skill and bravery in the face of perilous or dangerous situations.  But all are looked up to because they do something most of us feel we can’t.

I believe, however, that there are countless heroes among us in our everyday world.  People who do heroic things every day without the fame and fans following behind them or the recognition by the community for their valiant acts.  Here are some of mine.

Foster parents are heroes.  They may not look like it from the outside but don’t let them fool you.  They are the people who welcome children into their homes at all hours of the day or night.  They bathe little ones who may have not seen a tub of water in days or weeks.  They wash & de-lice hair and buy new wardrobes.  They comfort terrified children who have been taken from everything and everyone they know.  They juggle schedules filled with doctor’s appointments, therapy, counseling, caseworkers, and court dates.  Not to mention facilitating visits with biological families and taking care of their own family’s needs. Foster parents love, nurture, and provide for these children as if they were their own.  Then they often send them back home to their parents with a hope for a fresh start and better future and all while preparing their own family to welcome the next child that will come along.  These are the heroes of Fostering Hope.

Their children are heroes. Along with their parents they welcome children they have never met into their homes and lives. They give up space in their home and time and attention with their parents.  They welcome new brothers and sisters into their homes knowing there is a distinct possibility they will just be saying good-bye a little ways down the road.  These children are the heroes of Fostering Hope.

Caseworkers are heroes.  They work countless hours being advocates for children.  They deal with angry biological parents, support stressed foster families, and love on the children that are part of their overloaded case load.  They are overworked, underpaid, and too often, not given the recognition they deserve for the difficult and trying job they perform every day.  These workers are the heroes of Fostering Hope.

Children in foster care are heroes.  Resilient and strong seem like mediocre words to describe children of so much courage and fortitude.  These young ones have endured abuse & neglect that we cannot even begin to fathom or understand.  They have gone through so many things in their young lives that most of us will never experience in a lifetime.  And yet, if you look at them closely, you can see the hope that is still there.  Hope for reunification with the family they love.  Hope for a better life filled with love.  Hope that they can leave a painful past behind them and look forward to a future of endless possibility.  These amazing and inspiring little ones are the heroes of Fostering Hope.

 These often unseen and unsung heroes are the focus of a ministry called Fostering Hope.  Fostering Hope is a faith based organization that exists for the purpose of serving and supporting foster families and children in foster care.  We strive to come alongside these people that we consider to be the quiet heroes of our community.  These remarkable people who give so much of themselves time and time again.   We admire them, appreciate them, and thank God for the impact they are having on the foster children of our community that are hurting, alone, and afraid.  Our purpose is to do the small things to show them that we support them in their mission of giving children a safe, nurturing home to live in if only for a little while.

Fostering Hope has partnered with The Caring Closet to provide for physical needs that the families face when they take in additional children.  Through this ministry and the generous support of the community, we have been able to provide: over a dozen baby beds and mattresses, 5 toddler beds, 7 dressers, over 20 car seats, and countless amounts of diapers, wet ones, and bags of clothing for families in the last year alone.

Through partnerships with several Jasper county churches and businesses, Fostering Hope has, since its inception of March 2012, been able to:

            --facilitate senior picture photography sessions for 7 kids in foster care last year and is

              currently working on making it possible for 13 students this year

            --host a  reception honoring the students that were graduating and provide them with        

              a basket of gifts to help them get started in adulthood

            --host two Foster Parents’ Night Out by entertaining 180+ children so that foster 

              parents could enjoy a quiet evening together

            --treat over 70 foster families and their children to free movies at Route 66 Movie

  Theater...350 people in two showings!

--provide space for several meetings, foster parent trainings and a Christmas party for

  foster parents

--host two Foster Parent Appreciation Dinners serving 225 foster parents.

--provide appreciation lunches & monthly treat days for the staff at Children’s Division.

Now, these heroes may not be the next American Idol, football star, brave soldier or even the next masked crusader.  Their tales of courage and inspirational deeds may not cause 2 year old boys to dress up and scream that he’s a foster parent the way my 2 year old says, “I Batman” in a low, raspy voice. But daily these heroes make a lasting difference in our community that not only impacts families now but echoes into eternity.  And while the community sees the value of this cause, many still wonder why we chose to take up this mission. 

I have been asked many times why we do what we do.  How do you take care of these kids for long periods of time, let them go, and then just start all over with another child?  Do you ever think about stopping? Do you ever consider the effect it will have on your own children?   And the answer is, of course, yes. Yes, it is hard to let them go.  Yes, we have thought about stopping.  Yes, we consider daily how this mission we feel God calling us to will affect our children.  Every time a child leaves my home and my arms I think about why we are doing this. 

I posed these questions to my father after a placement left us not long ago.  Our family had a difficult time letting go of this little girl and in my moment of reflection I turned to a consistent support in my life. His words provide an answer better stated than anything I can think. He answered my question with one of his own, “Tomorrow will there still be children that are hurting, alone, and afraid?” 

And unfortunately, my answer was yes.  Tomorrow there will be children who have been victims of abuse and neglect.  There will be children who have endured horrendous things that make most of us cringe just thinking about  it.  These children need someone who is willing to open their hearts and homes and show them what true love is.   They need someone to show them what the love of Jesus looks like.  They need everyday heroes.

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I have been married to my husband Zach for 12 years.  We have 3 daughters.  We have been fostering for 3 years and have had 11 foster kiddos in our home.  We are currently in the process of adopting our 2 year old son.  We founded The Caring Closet in April 2012 and have served on the leadership board of Fostering Hope since the summer of 2012.

RESOURCE REVIEW: Nurturing Adoptions

It is believed that breaking the key attachments a child has, both good and bad, is traumatic for the child.  It is also believed that early childhood trauma affects the development of the child’s core understanding of the world.  Is it safe?  Am I valuable?  If we accept these beliefs then we accept that every child who is welcomed into a home for adoption enters as a traumatized child.  This is the unpopular reality that competes with the beautiful dreams of creating a family. 

As an Adoption and Foster Care Specialist, I work to blend the hope and excitement of adoption with the skills and knowledge needed for trauma care.  Deborah Gray’s book, Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience After Neglect and Trauma does this work with expertise and sensitivity.  Deborah is a former therapeutic foster parent and a clinical social worker with over 20 years of experience working with adopted children.  The book itself can be daunting – over 500 pages including sections for resources and exercises – but the information provided is directly relevant and immensely needed for both parents and professionals.

In my professional role I assess families who have chosen to foster-adopt.  I am frequently asked what it is exactly that I am assessing.   What are the key indicators to successful placements and adoptions?  

Deborah’s book touches upon each key aspect – emotional regulation, the ability to seek outside supports, and a capacity for self-reflection.  She describes how and why these characteristics affect healing, attachment, and as a result, behaviors.  The book is hopeful and confident.  There is no glossing over the behaviors or the strain these behaviors can cause in families, but Deborah highlights the reasons behind behaviors and the strategies that promote healing.  This book addresses young children up to teenagers, and encompasses international and domestic adoptions.  It provides insight into the unique needs adopted children have due to their trauma and notes that many existing modalities used in children’s therapies are not designed for children who experience “trauma-contaminated grief” or the ways that trauma, stress, abuse and fear can affect a child’s brain.

It had been argued to me that this isn’t a book for parents – and I agree that this is not a handbook to flip through in the midst of a crisis or in one’s 3 minutes of “me time” while parenting.  But, I absolutely disagree that parents -  the only people on the ground working with, struggling alongside, and desperately loving their children - shouldn’t be, or won’t want to be given the knowledge and tools to help their child.  The chapters in the book are building blocks for understanding your child’s brain and seeing their world through their eyes.  I love the idea of structuring a study group around this book.  I can see it working well this way for waiting parents, or for those who are parenting and are able to devote some time to study.  It can be useful to can share your own examples or hear from others as they recognize their child’s behaviors in the pages of this book.

Nurturing Adoptions is a study guide to build a strong foundation for the family you create.  This curriculum is essential to understanding how to calmly and effectively parent traumatized children.  Deborah Gray is a teacher who lets you know you can do it, absolutely should do it, and gives you the knowledge to do it right. 

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Kate Rocke, MSW has worked with children and families in crisis since 2001.  She previously worked in South America in an orphanage for two years.  For the last year she has worked as an Adoption and Foster Care Specialist in Seattle, WA, working with families through the home studies, placements and post-placement phases.  Kate is an aunt to a niece and nephew who joined her family through international adoption. 

RESOURCE REVIEW: The Connected Child

Hi all!  I’m Amy, wife to my amazing hubby, Chris, and mother to my beautiful 3 year old daughter, Ava, and hopefully soon, another precious little Taiwanese child!  

Our daughter came home from The Home of God’s Love in Taiwan when she was around 3 months old and it’s been a wonderful, crazy ride since!  Ava has fortunately adjusted and attached well to both Chris and I.  I was thankful to have an amazing group of adoptive mommas supporting me that gave me a loaded arsenal of books on attachment!

The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis has been such a great tool for us as a family.  I wanted to share a little bit about the book, its contents, and how we have integrated the principles into our family life.  First let me start by saying that no matter what age you adopted your child, birth to teenage years, all our children are ”at-risk” simply by being adopted.  Dr. Purvis often terms these children as “from the hard places”. 

 This book is a very practical, application style, how-to book on parenting children and promoting attachment.  It is geared towards a little bit older child, primarily once they are able to understand and follow simple directions.   She approaches parenting children from a wide variety of backgrounds—institutionalization, orphanages, foster care, sexual abuse, physical/verbal abuse, loss and grief, poverty, etc.  This book is not a book on how to discipline your child, although discipline is included.  It’s more about the process of integrating a child into your family, developing healthy attachment, and the many aspects of parenting a child from the hard places—love, nurturing, encouragement, discipline, and relationships.

“As much as we might wish for a quick answer, no single treatment works perfectly with all at-risk children.  …The key is to treat the whole child, with all his or her interrelated needs, not just one small aspect of behavior or illness.”

“Effective coaching and parenting of an at-risk child, as explained in this book, is multidisciplinary and ongoing.  It involves building EQ (emotional intelligence) as well as IQ (intellectual mastery).  It supports your child’s senses and physiology along with his or her psychology.  It means helping your child get in touch with his own feelings as well as his needs, emotions, hunger, pain, and fear—so that he can then connect comfortably with the world around him and you.  It means teaching your child communication skills and coping mechanisms, so she can succeed in life.  It means demonstrating that you are in charge, yet sensitive to your child’s needs.  This book contains practical techniques designed to help you and your child achieve these goals.”

There is a vast amount of information in the book, almost overwhelmingly the first time you read it.  I recommend reading it, then going back and slowly going through the areas that you are currently facing as a parent in the here and now.  There is also a DVD series through her Empower to Connect Seminars that are amazing!   Our local adoption group got together to watch and discuss them weekly.  (We rented them through our local library.)  It is the same info contained in the book, only a bit more in depth.   It’s great for visual and auditory learners like myself. 

There is a nice balance of theory and application in the book.  Dr. Purvis is very adept at giving real life examples and walking you through each situation and how to address not just the behavior but the underlying motivating factors.  She walks you through step by step:   getting out of crisis mode if you’re dealing with a particularly challenging child, helping your child feel safe, understanding how your child’s background effects their behavior, establishing your authority, tools for correcting behavior, teaching your child to self-regulate, setting appropriate boundaries, encouraging your child, problem-solving with your child, building self-confidence with your child,  teaching valuable life skills, and ultimately healing.  She even tackles some more in depth issues like sensory processing disorders as well as addressing food insecurities (i.e. food hoarding).   One thing she does incredibly well is teach you how to work with your child instead of fighting against your child.  She discusses how to turn your child’s defense mechanisms into safe, positive, attachment building behaviors that meet your child’s needs but breaks down the ultimate need for the behaviors in the first place.

The biggest take away we have in our family personally is probably the IDEAL approach that Dr.Purvis lays out.  Here is a link to a short video about the techniquehttp://vimeo.com/6965006.  Below is my paraphrase of the technique as laid out in the book. 

Immediately responding to misbehavior within 3 seconds.

Directly respond by making eye contact with your child, giving them undivided attention, and bringing them NEARER to you to teach and guide them.

Efficiently give your response:  least amount of firmness, correction, and words as possible.

Action-based redirection and correction:  physically doing a real life “do-over” and giving them an opportunity to learn the correct behavior and be successful at it.

Level the response at the behavior not the child.

Chris and I use this daily in our household.  I admit Chris is much better at the approach than I am, and much more consistent.   It is not the only method we use, but I must say, it is very effective for us.    Anytime we correct behavior or discipline, we always follow it with “I love you” and a kiss.  Then it’s back to business as usual.

She also gives a lot of scripting ideas that are short and sweet.  We love these in our house!  It’s a great trigger to quickly and easily help Ava right her behavior on her own and “self-regulate”.  While our words are not exactly the phrases that she always uses, the basic concept is the same.  Some of the phrases are:

               

Dr.Purvis’ Scripts

“Are you asking or telling?”

“Is that showing respect?”

“Use your words.”

“Is that gentle and kind?”

“Listen and obey."

Common Earhart Scripts

“Are you whining?”

“Use your words.”

“Can you ask me?”

“Listen the first time.”

“Try it again.”

One of the things I love about this book is that, in general, it’s just good parenting.  The strategies are great for at-risk kids, but also for any kid!  Many families built through adoption also have biological children in the mix too.  This parenting method is great for dealing with the everyday challenges no matter what the background of your child or how they joined your family.  This way you not only have an individualized way to deal with each  child, but also a consistent approach that fits for the whole family, not just your adopted child.

My biggest criticism is that I felt like the book started in the middle of her approach and at times feels a little disorganized.  The end chapters of the book have some good lessons about normal, healthy development of a child, as well as some basics on brain chemistry and how our brains work.  I wish this was at the beginning of the book.  As she talks through her methods, she has a tendency to assume that you already understand the foundation she’s working from.  However, the video series does a great job of setting up the foundation of philosophy, normal growth and development, and how the brain works and it’s chemistry, before it delves into the nitty gritty of parenting.  So it might be beneficial to watch the video series in conjunction with reading the book.

Overall, for us, this is a must-have book for parenting and developing secure attachment with Ava and any other child we bring into our home.  I am including some links to some great resources for her approach to attachment and parenting.  She also does a conference twice a year called Empower to Connect.  She has a ton of free resources on the TCU child development page http://www.child.tcu.edu as well as her Empower to Connect website www.empoweredtoconnect.org.

Purchase the following DVDs at http://www.child.tcu.edu/DVD%20sales.asp

Empowering, Connecting & Correcting Principles

Trust-Based Parenting Creating Lasting Changes in Your Child's Behavior

RESOURCE REVIEW: blogs for adoptive families

Hi, my name is Kim Smith, and I am a BTDT mom. What is BTDT? It is Been There Done That parenting. When, my husband, Brad, and I began our adoption journey in 2005 we would come to rely a great deal on BTDT parents (Wow! Why does 2005 seem like such a very long time ago!).  These BTDT parents were a source of countless amounts of information and knowledge that guided us, as newbies, along this amazing journey God would lead us on. One of the countless blessings that God gives to adoptive parents is the support and friendship of people that we would never have come into contact with except through our shared passion for the orphan and adoption. We found that blessing many times in people we met on blogs. As our journey would continue over several years (and we all know that the journey is only beginning once our child is at home), we have become connected with many people through the “bloggie” world. I wish to share with you invaluable sites that we have found over the years.

As I was writing and researching to write this post, I realized just how extensive my list had become; in addition, I found that there were thousands of other blogs out there. Many of these sites are written by moms and some dads that are just like you and I. Many are familiar sites, and they feel like old friends some of whom I have met in person and some who I have come to know over the years through their blogs.  I have tried to list the sites in categories; however, it is not always possible to put some of these in just one category. There are parents of multiples, parents with special needs, parents that have adopted from one country and parents that have chosen a multi-faceted adoption approach with children from many different countries. I have included in my list several web sites that I found helpful during “paper-chasing” and web sites that have been of great help as our journey continued with our children at home. I pray that you find these blogs intriguing and helpful in whatever stage of this journey you are on.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:5-6

Adoption Websites:

Special Needs:

http://www.allarepreciousinhissight.com/

http://jacobsjourneyhome.blogspot.com/ (China)

http://everlastingmomentum.blogspot.com/

http://ourchinastarfish.blogspot.com/  (China/Bulgaria)

http://nihaoyall.com/ (China)

http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/ (Eastern Europe)

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/  (China, Uganda, Domestic)

http://www.fivechilipeppers.blogspot.com/   (*Our Website: China, Special Needs, Older Child*)

Twin/ Multiples Adoption:

http://salsainchina.blogspot.com/   (China)

Older-Child Adoption:

http://www.theyreallmyown.blogspot.com/

http://www.10kidsin2010.blogspot.com/

http://lajoyfamily.blogspot.com/

*http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com  (Special Need)

General Adoption:

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/  (Haiti)

*http://arethesekidsallyours.blogspot.com/

http://everythingbeautifulshay.blogspot.com/

http://hope4thewounded.blogspot.com/

*http://oatsvallteam.blogspot.com/

http://ugandaadoptionblogs.blogspot.com/

http://steppinheavenward.blogspot.com/

http://bridgettevictoria.blogspot.com/ (Uganda)

http://planaethiopia.blogspot.com/ (Ethiopia)

http://gillispiefam.blogspot.com/  (Cambodia, Vietnam, Ghana)

http://fullplatemama.blogspot.com/ (Ghana, China)

Foster Parenting:

http://campbellsfosterjourney.blogspot.com/

http://mamafoster.blogspot.com/

http://alwaysandforeverfamily.blogspot.com/

http://tamlynn75random.blogspot.com/

Domestic Adoption:

http://gracefilledmess.blogspot.com/

http://mycupoverfloweth.blogspot.com/

Some Blogs that fit in multiple categories:

*http://www.joyunspeakableandfullofglory.blogspot.com/  (Bio, China, Older Child)

*http://k6comehome.blogspot.com/  (Bio, China, Special Needs, Older Child)

http://hope4thewounded.blogspot.com/

*http://www.nationsaroundourtable.com/ (Bio, Uganda, Special Needs, Older Child)

*http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/  (Bio., China, Uganda, Domestic, Special Needs, Older Child)

http://www.fivechilipeppers.blogspot.com/   (*Our Website: Bio, China, Special Needs, Older Child*)

Blogs by Adoptees:

http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/

http://lifeasanadoptedteen.blogspot.com/

Helpful blogs for families on the Journey:

Financing an Adoption:

http://juliegumm.com 

http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org

http://www.achildwaits.org

http://www.jscfoundation.org/

*http://showhope.org/

Support for Families:

http://sparrow-fund.org/blog

*http://www.nohandsbutours.com/  (China)

*http://empoweredtoconnect.org/

Mommy time:

*http://jenhatmaker.com  (adoptive mom too!)

Blogs on Attachment and RAD:

http://www.onethankfulmom.com/

http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.co

http://consciouslyparenting.blogspot.com/

http://fletcherclan.blogspot.com/

Orphan Ministries and Adoption Advocates:

*http://anorphanswish.org/

http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org

http://feedingtheorphans.org/ 

*http://stinkytofuandotherthings.blogspot.com/

 *http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/

*http://m.internationalvoiceoftheorphan.com/

*http://emonamission.blogspot.com/

* Blogs I have followed over the years and highly recommend)

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About us: We are Brad and Kim Smith, parents to seven children, and we have a passion for orphan and adoption ministry. Our seven children include 3 bio sons and 2 daughters and 2 sons adopted from China with varying special needs. We homeschool all 7 of our children and live life serving Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

RESOURCE REVIEW: Black Baby, White Hands

It is my opinion that there are far too few resources about transracial adoption that are from the perspective and experience of the child.   There are many written by professionals in the field, and from parents, but Black Baby, White Hands is aptly subtitled: A View From the Crib.  It is a written by an African American man looking back on his adoption and upbringing by white parents. 

Jaiya John’s story is honest, fair, and almost astoundingly compassionate.  His journey, as detailed in his book, is what any good journey should be, full of stumbles and stretching in ways one never thought they could (or should) stretch.  It is a passage of learning who he is and changing who he expected himself to be.  Jaiya John is a born story teller.  His inherited and entirely unique talents result in a book that is beautifully written and reads like a Toni Morrison novel rather than a “How To” book.  The premise of this book is a black child being raised in the newly born “color blind” era of our nation, which led to his parents belief that if they didn’t recognize the color of his skin, he wouldn’t suffer from being different.  There is so much to learn from Jaiya as our nation slowly progresses past the idea that color doesn’t matter, and ventures into the realization of how much is still does. 

“Conversations we [my parents and I] might have had regarding my race may have led to outbursts, misunderstandings, and conflict.  But over time, the balance, I believe, would have tilted in favor of the benefits of our communication, rather than the alienation that emerged from overall avoidance of these issues.  What I yearned for then was a simple emotion.  I desired to feel welcome to bring race to our tongues if my heart needed it desperately.”

What you take from this book depends entirely on how open you are to the idea that Jaiya’s experience is not unique to him, or to the era, and how forgiving you are to yourself for not knowing differently.  There are so many profound moments in the novel that 100 of the 375 pages in my own book are turned down in the corners so that I can reference then again with family, colleagues and clients.  This is an important and significant book for anyone regardless of whether adoption or transracial adoption is a part of your life. 

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Kate Rocke, MSW has worked with children and families in crisis since 2001.  She previously worked in South America in an orphanage for two years.  For the last year she has worked as an Adoption and Foster Care Specialist in Seattle, WA, where she is also a co-trainer for two levels of transracial adoption education courses.  Kate is an aunt to a niece and nephew who joined her family through international adoption.  

RESOURCE REVIEW and GIVEAWAY: Find Joy in the Journey

"It's hard to close the gap between what you thought would be and what God has actually put in front of you.  We grieved the life we had anticipated.  But when the two are finally reconciled, we see Him.  And when we see Him, joy abounds." ~Ginny, Chapter 4, Find Joy in the Journey

Erin Vick Franklin, founder/director of Worthy of the Prize Ministries was inspired to compile the stories for Find Joy in the Journey: how 12 women could face tomorrow just because He lives after enduring her own crisis and finding the Joy that comes only through Christ.  The crisis, which became the inspiration for the book, led her to the twelve women whose stories are featured in the newly released E-book.

Find Joy in the Journey peeks into the lives of the 12 women whose stories it tells with the purpose of inspiring and encouraging women as they endure varied crises.  Several of the stories throughout the book highlighted women who have struggled through the journey of adoption.  Though the stories are varied in the types of struggles, a common theme is woven throughout...no matter what the circumstances, when we look up and surrender control, the Lord provides true, unprecedented JOY.

I would highly recommend this easy-read for anyone, whether in a state of crisis or not, as it is an uplifting book pointing to the One who brings true joy.

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Now, for the GIVEAWAY!  One exciting part of this book is the impact it has had on this adoptive mama ministry.  When we were planning the retreat, the name of the book just kept coming back to us and we prayed about it and all felt a peace about using "Joy in the Journey" for the retreat/blog title.  When we contacted Erin about using the name, she was so gracious and even allowed us to promote the book on the blog.  Her designer, Mary Jo Smith of 517 Creations worked with us to create the graphics you see on the site.  Erin also allowed us to GIVE AWAY one copy of the book!!

Worthy of the Prize ministries also has a whole segment of their ministry devoted to Orphan Care.  One of the things they do to support orphan ministry is their Chosen Child Program, where adopting families can sign up to raise funds through them selling these great Fit Bands!

...and she's letting us give one of these away too!!

To enter the giveaway, fill out the form below.  You must answer the first question to be entered, then the other things are optional, giving you more opportunities to win.  The form will be open until next Thursday, July 25th at midnight.  Winner will be announced the following morning.  Good luck! :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway