Perfect Timing

When God has a plan for your family, it’s a perfect plan, regardless of the process. A good friend once told me “you don’t just get a phone call offering you a baby”.  To which I responded, “That’s not entirely true”. 

When my husband and I got the call about our daughter (we'll call her C), it was 10:00 at night and he was driving home from a two-week stint on the rig.  Our friend's mother (we'll call her T) met a young girl looking to put her unborn baby up for adoption.  She had been to an agency that morning, but didn’t feel like that was the right place for her baby.   She wanted to “know” the family first.  T knew that adoption was what we wanted for our family, however, something was holding us off from going to the agency.  After describing us to the young mother, T called and asked if my husband and I were ready for a baby and I of course told her YES!! I called my husband and he was excited about he possibility of our family finally being complete.  A few phone calls later, we met the birth mother at a local restaurant.  Since we were not going through an agency there was a lot more open contact, allowing us to get to know each other.  By the end of lunch, everyone knew that this baby was meant to be in our family, and the process began.

We contacted a family/adoption attorney in our area that afternoon, and met with her the following Monday.  She walked us through the paperwork and got us in contact with someone who performed home studies.  Since this adoption was private, and amazingly unexpected, we had not done any of the typical pre-adoption papers.  Throughout the entire process, we were in contact with our daughter’s birth mother regarding any questions or concerns that may have come up.  Having an open adoption made so many aspects of the adoption process much easier since we could just ask each other whatever we needed.  We also were blessed with being allowed in every one of her doctors appointments, including finding out the sex of the baby and being in the delivery room…I even cut her umbilical cord. 

Once C was born, we continued to have contact with her birth mother.  In the first year, we saw her four times (more than was expected, but I think it helped her with the healing process).  During her second year, we saw her twice, and now we are down to once a year.   There are some difficulties having an open adoption, but for the most part, it seems to be the best option for our family. 

There is no doubt in any of our minds that God had an amazing plan for our family.  It all happened because T was at her sisters one random night, and her sister had a visitor she babysat 15 years ago there with his pregnant girlfriend.  C is the perfect addition to our family.  She is full of life, love, and energy!  We thank God every night for her, and His wonderfully perfect plan for our lives!

A Second Chance Adoption

What is a second chance adoption? Occasionally families who have previously adopted children both domestically and internationally come across a child who has not adapted well into the new home.  Most adopted children do wonderfully in their adoptive home, but now and then the child does not connect well, and a very difficult decision is made to find a new adoptive home.  Though Second Chance adoptions seem cruel, sometimes it is the best hope for a child who is struggling in their adoptive home and for parents who have done all they can to help but have come to the difficult decision that they have no more resources.  On a positive note, it is shown that over 90% of children from second chance adoptions thrive and do exceptionally well in the new adoptive home.

My initial reaction about an adopted child needing a new home was that it made me sick at my stomach. I couldn’t imagine someone not wanting their child anymore. Hopefully, when you have a child that seems to make life a little harder, you pray and trust God to give you guidance and resources to help parent that child. God has a plan and it is always perfect.  Our job is not to second guess it, but to trust His decision.  I believe that all six of my children, biological and adoptive, are children God wanted us to parent.  It didn’t matter if these “Blessings” came to us biologically, through foster to adopt, or second chance adoption, he called us to be their parents.  To be honest, raising children in general can be very hard at times. We’ve had just as many difficult times with our biological children, as we’ve had with our adoptive children. In other words, all children are different and all have different needs. It’s just life! This, my friends, is where our story takes off.

Sunshine, was originally adopted by a (non christian) family when she was 3 years old. The adoptive parents had tried for seven years to have children of their own, but had no success. Adoption through foster care became their plan.  They immediately were given the chance to adopt Sunshine and her younger brother.  However, shortly after being adopted, the adoptive mom became pregnant….as a matter of fact, she gave birth every year for the next three years. Two adoptive children, plus three biological children equals…….. a home of five children in three short years.  It was more than the family (and their marriage) could handle. 

Immediately Sunshine felt lost and unloved. She didn’t know how to deal with her feelings and did what most kids do at this point…..she acted out. Her grades dropped, she manipulated situations, picked on her siblings, had numerous accidents in her pants, lied, hoarded everything, stayed awake most nights playing and wandering through the house, and mentally separated herself from the family.  However, God had a plan…..

Sunshine came to us when she was eight years old. She was so withdrawn that she couldn’t look anyone in the eye and always spoke with a whisper.  Our mornings began with her fighting for control of every situation, which resulted in her whining like a two year old, and crawling around on the floor.  The evenings became tough too because she wanted my attention and didn’t know how to use her words to ask for it, instead she picked fights, stomped, kicked, slammed doors, and simply chose defiance to get it;  even though it was negative.  

At these times of acting out, I simply told her that behavior like that was not tolerated and she could dismiss herself to her room.  After 5-10 minutes, I had to stop whatever I was doing (one time was right in the middle of cooking dinner), appear before her and show her how important she was to me and to our entire family.  It required a lot of compassion and patience on my account.  Every confrontation started with reassuring her by saying, “Sunshine, we’re disappointed in your behavior but we still love you and you’re not going anywhere. You are stuck with this family forever!” Then we talked about what she did, and why she did it. This caused her to take ownership of her behavior and to identify with what she “really” wanted.  Later when everyone was calm, we role played.  My husband and I would show what we witnessed (the misbehavior), then we would show the correct behavior.  Finally, making sure the concept was understood, we would then have the children act out the right way to get attention or how to communicate their frustrations correctly.

Unfortunately, Sunshine does have a rough past with some horrible memories, and there are a lot of details she still has hidden away. Because of this we see a wonderful christian counselor on a regular basis, who helps her deal with memories as they surface. Positive reinforcers and rewards helps Sunshine feel loved and successful. 

However, there are consequences to every negative behavior. Consistency has played a big part in her success (consistency with Rewards and Discipline). 

I’m not going to lie and tell you that I do everything right because truthfully, many times I fail as a parent. Especially those days when I am exhausted or stressed. However, it is important for us (our whole family) to be intentional and proactive with Sunshine, because we want her to see how a Family after God’s own heart looks like. 

I’m convinced that God wanted her with us and He has big plans for her.  And even though we still have some rough days, it’s God’s goodness that gets us through them.  In our weakness, God shows us His strength.  At the end of the day, we want our children to know why we do what we do, and to hear our voice (besides the Holy Spirits) echoing in their heads that “When we Do Good, we Feel Good!” and “The words of our mouth and the meditations of our minds (need to be) pleasing and glorifying to God."

Since Sunshine joined our family, her grades have improved (mostly straight A’s), she gives people eye contact when spoken to, and most of the time speaks in a normal tone. When she wants my attention, she calmly and politely says, “Mom, I think I’m needing some attention from you.” She will tell me if its a hug she is wanting or just to sit on my lap, with my arms securely holding her. It’s those little things that have made a huge difference with her, not to mention melts my heart.  When I and the many others, have witness the changes she has made, it makes life even more rewarding than I could have dreamt.  

Sunshine is blossoming so much, even to the extent that she has made lots of friends and gets invited over for sleepovers on a somewhat regular basis. She has developed a big heart for others and is becoming more obedient with her day to day choices. Sunshine is now a christian too, and her spiritual growth has amazed me in the three years she was introduced to church, God and Jesus Christ.  Even though she has been diagnosed with RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and many others,  God has been doing some miraculous healing in her life and she has bonded to us very well; especially me, her mom.  She and I always joke that she’s my little shadow. HA! 

                                     

In conclusion, I now believe that second chance adoptions can be a good thing.  Especially when you are able to give a child, like Sunshine, a second chance to thrive, connect, feel loved, hope and given a true Forever Family!  A promise of God’s we often remind Sunshine of is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  We still don’t have a simple life, but every year is better than the last, and improvements are always taking place in her life and in our home. We give God the Glory for these amazing changes, His perfect plan, and for this Joy in our Journey.

   My last year’s Mother’s Day Card from Sunshine (with her permission, of course):

It's the Lord's Purpose That Prevails

I always said I'd never do it. Couldn't do it. It sounded too hard and messy. Seems like every time I say things like that, God finds a way to make me do it. Who would have thought that our Ethiopian adoption would have changed my heart about domestic adoption? And besides, I didn't want to adopt the third child, I wanted to get pregnant again. I guess this is the right point to insert this little verse... "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Prov. 19:21" When will I ever learn to accept that His ways are SO much better than mine?!

 

Each time we have prayed and asked God how our next child should enter our family, we've been given a very clear path. Cooper, our oldest and only bio child, came fairly early in our marriage. We had always wanted to adopt and when I was having some health issues about 2 years after Cooper's birth we felt like God was telling us not to wait on adopting after we had 'our' kids, but rather to go ahead and start the adoption process then. Silas entered our family at 10 months old and hasn't exactly been an easy child to parent. Attachment was rough, there was some illness involved, and he's pretty aggressive/defiant. We've learned a lot about parenting with grace in the past couple of years...our skin has gotten much tougher while our hearts have gotten much softer. I could go on and on but that's not what this post is about!

 

We were ready for child #3 and committed to pray about it. I wanted to try and get pregnant again (even though I knew this may not be ideal given some health 'things' going on) and maybe adopt again down the road. However, God had a different plan and I didn't want to listen. I was at an adoption retreat and was frustrated that I had gotten stuck in with all the domestic moms when I clearly had adopted from Ethiopia. I sat through dinner one night feeling lonely and annoyed listening to open adoption stories from other moms. A friend was on the trip with me who had worked with a local domestic agency but I was unaware of this before the trip. On the way home I started putting the pieces together...but I was hesitant. Once home, I requested an information packet from the agency but when it came in the mail I stuck it in a stack. I didn't reply to an email from them checking in with me, nor did I respond to a voicemail they left me either. I just didn't know what to do with this information and I was scared. I had always heard those birth mom horror stories and it wasn't anything I wanted my family involved in. I felt so torn. Then, one day I received a call from this friend who still had ties with the agency and she told me of a tiny baby girl who had been born the day before and needed a family to bring her home from the hospital and felt like it just might be us. What?! That's what I call my slap-in-the-face-by-God moment. Ultimately, we weren't her family but I finally got the message loud and clear. We filled out our application, spoke with the director, and within days our tax refund check came in the mail and we were able to pay all of the agency fees. I had plans but God's were better.

 

Sometimes it takes hindsight to realize God's sovereignty but have you ever recognized it in the midst of an event? While we were waiting on being matched with an expectant mother I found out I needed a hysterectomy. It all made sense. I was grateful that we had been led back into adoption before I knew about this or it would have been even harder to swallow. How perfect was His plan? It totally blew me away. If we hadn't started on the path to adoption we would have tried to get pregnant in October. I had surgery in October. We later found out that our soon-to-be third boy was conceived in (you guessed it!) October. He knew all along that this was what would happen! The first time we met with "P", our son's birth mother, we explained all of this to her and she said he was destined to be ours.

 

Once we were matched, the relationship between us and "P" was easy and she and I became fast friends. I won't go into detail online about her and her story out of respect for her family. What I will say is that she's one of the most beautiful, brave souls I know. The part that scared me about domestic adoption was the idea that a birth mom would be playing an 'auntie' role in our family and it would be confusing. I had heard that all adoptions were encouraged to be open and I wasn't comfortable with that. But after meeting Silas' birth mother in Ethiopia and wishing she was able to see him meet milestones and grow up, I could empathize with the role of the birth mother. Something cut me deep. They're not out to get adoptive families. They made a plan for their child to be with a new family for whatever reason. More love and courage goes into that decision and plan than most people will ever know.

 

Some of my favorite things about domestic adoption are that I became friends with "P", our kids played at the park together, she wanted to know us so she felt comfortable with her decision, we painted pottery together and it's now in his room, I got to feel him kick in her belly, the laughs we shared (that girl can make me laugh like none other!), she wanted me at all doctor's appointments, we were with her as she labored and were there when he was born.

 

And quickly, to debunk a few of the Lifetime Movie myths about domestic adoption...

Yes, she had the right to back out of the adoption at any point during the process. Even at the hospital and after we took him home. This is a risk you sign up for with this type of adoption. Yes, it consumes your thoughts.

In our state she had 10 days after birth to revoke the plan but she waived 5 of those days. We knew this was a possibility and the stress level ran high during those days but we had spent enough time with her to know she was confident in her plan.

We have a 'semi-open' arrangement which means that we have contact through the agency but not directly. I send in pictures and updates every 3 months for a year and then twice a year until he's 18. The agency forwards these to her. Also, when he wants to meet her one day we will arrange that and go from there.

 

He turns 6 months old this week and I haven't seen her or spoken to her since we left the hospital and I can't tell you how much this hurts my heart. I miss that girl like crazy! She holds a special place in my heart that I would have never known about if I had followed my plans. Once again, the sovereignty of the Lord amazes me! 

 

 

 

My name is Emily and I am a teacher turned SAHM of 3 boys and married to Justin who is an electrician. Cooper (bio) is 6 and in kindergarten, Silas (Ethiopia) is 3 and in preschool, and Roland (US) is an infant. We're very involved at our church and also run the food pantry. Our family loves sports, board games, traveling, and dance parties. Ha!

If It's Not OK, Then It's Not The End...

Our adoption journey began in 2009.  My husband and I were always on the same page that we would only be willing to adopt domestically.  Not because we had anything against international adoption, but because our hearts were drawn to the many children here, even within driving distance, that desperately needed a family to love them too. 

In 2010, after extensive research on which domestic adoption avenue to use, we chose to become licensed foster parents and went on to also get our state adoptive license.  We quickly had our eyes opened to the foster care system and the ups and downs within it.  We had 7 children come through our home in a short span of 5 months!  We had some very difficult cases, each one stretching our strength, faith and endurance to continue. 

Our first case was two young sisters, left to fend on their own by a drug-riddled mother.  They left our home to live with their biological father.  Shortly after that, we had the baby boy whom we loved whole-heartedly and wanted desperately to adopt.  He came to us at 11 months old, beaten, with a broken collarbone.  After two months of helping him and nurturing him, he was returned to his parents purely because of a legalist paperwork mistake.  The attorney had not filed some documents correctly and charges were dropped, negating the facts that his parents were homeless and on drugs and the cause of his injuries.  We were torn apart and so frustrated with the system.  The next couple came and went quickly.  Then, in mid-December, we got the case that scared us beyond comprehension.  Two brothers, ages 7 and 10 months, were removed from their home because of extensive abuse.  I can’t even begin to tell you the horror of the situation.  What scared us though, was that the baby was barely living.  His mother had been poisoning him and at 10 months old, only weighed a mere 10 pounds.  His kidneys were failing and he was unable to retain any food.  We begged foster care to find additional help for him.  My “momma bear” came out when I felt like these boys weren’t getting the attention they desperately needed.  In the end, our voices were heard and on December 22, 2010, the boys were put in a home with a licensed nurse who saw the severity of the situation.  The baby was taken immediately to Children’s Mercy in Kansas City to seek treatment.  By Christmas of 2010, Sam and I felt like we had taken on more than we could handle.  It was heart-wrenching to release the children back into their previous situations.  We were physically and emotionally drained.  We decided then that we were going to stop being foster parents and go a more “traditional” agency route.  We researched further until we came across Adoption Center of Hope.  Adoption Center of Hope is neither an agency nor private; they are an adoption facilitation organization which works both with adoptive parents and directly with expectant birthmothers in all walks of life.  In February 2011, we signed our contract with Adoption Center of Hope and began the new journey to find our birthmother match.

But God had another plan.  Our will is not His will.

Nearly 5 months after we’d quit foster care and contracted with our new agency, we received “the call”.  Anyone who has adopted will understand.  You never forget it.  April 28^th, 2011 at 3:30 pm, we got a call from a social worker.  She explained that while she realized we had quit foster care, she had a case that she thought we might be interested in.  She asked if we wanted to step back into foster care one more time.  I listened to the details and then called my husband in tears.  I was terrified!  We both were.  We really didn’t want to re-enter foster care again, and we’d just paid lots of money for our contract fees, but something inside us (God’s direction) told us to take the chance again.  We took the leap of faith!

Within 3 hours… yes, you read that right, 3 HOURS… we had our little 6-pound bundle of joy in our arms. 

 Sam holding Eli for the first time

He was 5 days old and had been abandoned at a hospital just 30 minutes from our house.  Birthmother had been on drugs when she went into labor and then less than 12 hours after having a c-section, left without ever looking back.  Because of the drug use, our little baby was kept under observation but, miraculously, did not test positive or have any issues. 

Due to state laws, we were not allowed to pursue the adoption case until he was at least 6 months old so we were put on legal guardian status.  So started the most nerve-wracking, anxious and wonderful months of our lives!!  We were new parents and we were elated, but we were also fearful to bond completely with him, afraid that our hearts would be broken again (due to past foster care experiences).  Really though, how can you protect yourself from falling completely in love with a baby in your arms?   

 First family picture

Add to that the social worker visits, paperwork and court hearings; then a paternal grandmother from another state took us to court to try and get custody of him, only to later back out.  Other than her, no family members ever came forward.  EXACTLY 6 months to the day, we filed for adoption status and 10 months and 4 days after he was born, Eli was welcomed into our family forever!  The sigh of relief we felt on that day, having those documents in our hands, is indescribable.  

 Eli at 6 months

ADOPTION DAY!!!!

And so our journey continues…. Eli will be turning 3 this year and is still the biggest blessing we’ve ever received.  He desperately wants to be a big brother though!  In September 2012, we re-opened our original contract with Adoption Center of Hope.  They had been wonderful to work with and had been amazingly supportive when we received Eli.  Due to our situation, they agreed to place our contract on “hold” and we lost neither contract length nor money with them. 

The last 16 months have been extremely difficult in a different way.  First, there’s been the waiting and waiting and waiting... the birthmothers that consider us as a potential match but ultimately choose another family… the excitement and then the disappointment.  Then, we were finally matched in August 2013 to a birthmother that was going to bless us with our second baby boy.  However, she turned out to have undiagnosed mental instability and other issues.  Because of this, Adoption Center of Hope found it necessary to pull us from the situation two months later.  We were left stunned.  Not only did we have to deal with our own disappointment but also telling our son that the baby brother that he had been preparing for wasn’t coming now.  By God’s profound peace and grace, we cried, prayed, and then got up, brushed ourselves off and prepared to wait some more.  Then, on December 3^rd, we received a call about another potential match, needing our approval to proceed; however, there was a “catch”.  The birthmother was going into pre-term labor in 5 days due to some health complications.  The baby would only be 28 weeks gestation.  And they needed an answer by the next morning.  Oh my, the emotions we experienced!  We had my mother come pick up our son so that my husband and I could have some serious prayer and discussion time.  We prayed for God’s peace to come over us if we were to accept this situation.  We prayed for answers.  We sought wise counsel.  After 12 hours, late into the night, we decided that we did not feel God leading us in this direction.  We called Adoption Center of Hope the next morning and told them we could not accept this match.  It was extremely hard to say no but they understood completely and began the search for the adoptive family that wanted to take on this situation.  Unfortunately, we received that answer we’d been looking for 4 days later.  The baby did not survive his birth.  Even though he wasn’t ours, we were so sad for the adoptive family that had been driving to meet him.  We were sad for the birthmother.  We were sad for a future this baby would never have. 

So our journey is not over.  We do not know how long it will take to add to our family again, but we can tell you from experience that God’s timing is perfect.  Even if we don’t like to admit that.  And honestly, I don’t like to.  I am not a patient person.  I want what I want and I want it now.  But adoption doesn’t work that way.  Neither does pregnancy, parenthood or marriage. 

The main thing that I’ve learned from these experiences?  It doesn’t matter if your child is overseas in some far away land, or if they are here in the U.S. waiting to be born, or if they are in your arms but not “yours” yet… each one is hard.  Each one includes waiting, patience and prayer.  You have given your heart to another and you have little to no control over the situation.  Life is full of uncertainties, but even though we may not understand, God’s got it all worked out in the end.  Therefore, if it’s not OK in your situation right now, take heart!  It’s not the end yet.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “… plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Christmas 2013

Jenny Madsen is a full-time mom to a highly active, exceptionally smart, almost-3-year-old little boy, Elijah.  She has been married to her amazing husband, Sam, for nearly 10 years and can’t imagine a better partner in life or parenting.  She will be celebrating a milestone birthday this year and can think of no better present than becoming a family of 4. 

Celebrating Culture: Weaving Heritage into Our Everyday Lives

My name is Tobin Schultz, and it appears as though I'm one of the only guys who was asked to write for this blog. That's the perk of being married to one of the Joy in the Journey co-founders.  Most of the ideas below were copied directly from other families or books, but that's usually how it works with great ideas.  Here are some practical ways, as parents who have adopted internationally, that we promote our children’s heritage.

Ø  Journey to You Book:  For each of our children, Shannon chronicled our adoption process from the moment we found out about them up to the day we brought them home.  The books, which were created using IPhoto, include lots of photos, details, and stories of how they came to be part of our family.  We have a copy of each book always on display, ready to share with Lili and Eli or any visitor who comes to our home.  We also have a mint copy of each locked away for each of them when they are older.

Below are a few of pictures to give you an idea of the style and information in each book.

Ø  Gotcha Day Celebrations: Prior to Lili’s arrival I had never heard of a “Gotcha Day” but some amazing foresight (or stolen idea) by Shannon has led to a consistent, special celebration of the day our children became part of our family.  During our trips to Taiwan and Ghana we purchased a range of age-appropriate gifts to give to Lili and Eli on their gotcha days.  Our checked luggage leaving the United States consisted of diapers, food, and medicine, which we left at the orphanages.  Our luggage on the way home was filled with a special gift for each of the next 22 gotcha days.  Toys, trinkets, ethnic costumes, puzzles, decorations, jewelry, and tribal weapons all found their way to a hidden chest in the Schultz home.  It is a very fun time for Shannon and I to pick out which gift to give the children each year and we know that the older they get, the more they will appreciate the sentiment and planning of each gift.

Here's a picture of Elijah wearing his first Gotcha Day present, an authentic jersey from one of Ghana's beloved soccer teams.

Ø  Family Creed:  We have adopted some principles we learned from Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis to tie together our family’s values and heritage.  Using a combination of Chinese, Adinkra (West African), and Christian Symbols we have designed a family creed that we use to reinforce the expectations and behavior of our family.  In addition to these symbols being printed and displayed on a crest in our home, I created rings for myself and Shannon with these same symbols on them. We had a ring made for Lili and Elijah as well. The following paragraph explains how we plan to give them their rings.

The crest and accompanying jewelry allow us to teach and train each other while sharing the 8 core values of our family.  When our children reach a certain age and maturity level, we will take them on a tour of their homeland, have a special ceremony honoring them, and present them with their piece of family jewelry.  Shannon and I will also find time to stock up on a lifetime of future gotcha day presents! I highly recommend reading Lewis’ book to gain ideas regarding how to train and usher your children into adulthood and urge everyone to research the unique symbols and celebrations of your children’s birth countries.

Shannon's ring

Ø  Adoption Fairy Tales and Books:  Our bedtime routines are very similar to most homes, however in addition to reading to Lili and Eli, we make the most of the opportunity to strengthen their identity with some strategic book selections.  Our children’s libraries contain some  great “adoption fairy tales” along with children’s stories from their birth countries.  Here are some great titles that help to ensure adoption is a regular part of conversation and learning in our home:

• Shaoey and Dot: Bug Meets Bundle by Mary Beth Chapman (My co-favorite)

•  I Love you Like Crazy Cakes by Rose Lewis (Shannon’s Favorite)

• The Red Thread an Adoption Fairy Tale by Grace Lin (My co-favorite)

• Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale by Karen Katz

• I Wished for You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond

• Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis

• Bringing Asha Home by Uma Krishnaswami
• All Bears Need is Love by Tanya Valentine
• I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze

I will measure the success of this blog entry by the number of books you order from Amazon in the next 10 minutes.
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My name is Tobin Schultz, and I am the husband of Joy in the Journey co-founder, Shannon Schultz.  I am blessed to have been chosen as the father of Lilian and Elijah Schultz.  I am a high school teacher and football coach in Joplin, MO.

Country Spotlight: Taiwan

 

1.     Why did you choose to adopt from Tawian?

I often like to tell people that we didn’t choose to adopt from Taiwan….Taiwan chose us!  We had looked into adopting from a few other countries before proceeding with Taiwan but each time that country would close its doors to international adoption.  I had grown up hearing about Taiwan and the orphanage there but never really thought Taiwan is where we would adopt from.  It wasn’t until a dinner date with another couple that had adopted from Taiwan (and are family members to the people who run the orphanage in Taiwan) that God confirmed Taiwan was the country for us!

2.     Did you adopt independently or through an agency?

Both of our Taiwanese adoptions were through a private, independent orphanage in Taiwan.  Although there are a few agencies who have Taiwanese programs (but they are mainly for older, special needs children).

3.      Is the country still open for adoption?

The country is still open for adoption but because of new laws and regulations adoptions have been moving slower than in the past, meaning that adoption wait lists are longer. 

4.     How long did it take?

Our first adoption from Taiwan took 2 ½ months (in 2007) and our second adoption from Taiwan took 8 months (in 2012).  A typical adoption from Taiwan (after referral) can take anywhere from 8 months-1 ½ years to complete depending on government closing, birth parent status, and other unforeseen issues.

 

5.     How many times did you have to travel?

As of June 1, 2012 the county that the orphanage is in where we adopted requires you to travel twice. The first trip is to appear in court with the birth family and the second trip is to complete paperwork, appear at AIT and bring your baby/child home. That being said, each county in Taiwan is different. To determine the number of times you would need to travel, check with the agency or orphanage with whom you are working. 

6.     What is the average cost of an adoption through Taiwan?

Adopting from Taiwan can vary in cost.  It depends on what agency you use and how much your instate fees can be.  The average cost is anywhere between $10,000-$25,000 (most of the time this includes travel expenses as well).  I would suggest that you find an agency or orphanage that best fits your family’s adoption needs and speak with someone who has adopted using that same organization or see if they have a fee chart listed on their website.

7.     What has been your biggest joy of adopting from Taiwan?

We love the country of Taiwan!  We feel SO blessed that we had the opportunity to bring home two babies from this beautiful land.  The orphanage that we adopted from was amazing and we knew the entire time that our children weren’t with us that they were being cared for and loved on as if they were in our own arms.  Taiwan and adopting from Taiwan has forever changed our lives and we are so thankful that God led us on the journey. 

Tiffany is a wife, mother, 4th grade teacher, and co-founder of Joy in the Journey. She has been married to her best friend for 10 years. Together they adopted their son in 2007 and daughter in 2013 from Taiwan. Tiffany is very passionate about adoption and loves to be a support to families that are contemplating  adoption, as well as those who are in the adoption process.

Celebrating Chinese Holidays

Before we had even brought our first adopted child home, we, like most adoptive parents, wanted to have all the knowledge we could on how to continue our children’s heritage and on how to integrate it into our family. We desired to know all about the culture and customs unique to our child’s birth country… in our case China. We researched. We studied Chinese culture, and we formed a plan. This plan helped determine how we could help our child to retain the heritage of his native country. In addition, it would set in place the ways in which we would observe cultural holidays. We were ready to become a culturally mixed family (or so we thought).

Fast forward a few years and this plan would morph and change of its own will. It was not because of a lack of integrating cultural awareness or because of a lack of celebrating special holidays, and neither was it because we intentionally made changes to the way we did these celebrations. It happened as the result of some interesting things that we had not even considered as a part of our family plan.

First of all, we discovered that there were almost as many ways to celebrate any of the Chinese Holidays as there were people in China. As we visited with many of our Chinese friends, we discovered that all families celebrate in different ways, and that celebrations varied depending on different geographical regions. Second, we learned that most of our children coming from Social Welfare Institutes (orphanages) had little knowledge of holiday celebrations. Thirdly, our children from hard places (especially those adopted at older ages) wished to leave their old life behind and begin a new life being an “American”. Finally, we also discovered that many of the Chinese Holidays were steeped in ancient Chinese religious rituals that honored a false god or gods. As a Christian family, it is our wish to raise our children in the knowledge and love of Jesus. We knew that many of the holidays would have to be adapted for this reason.

As a result of all these things, we decided to celebrate many of the holidays “our way”. Our way is often very non-traditional and sometimes boring by other people’s standards. Over the last few years we have chosen to adhere to the basic Chinese Holidays that included Chinese New Year (Spring Festival) and the Moon Festival(mid-autumn). In addition, we celebrate our children… we celebrate the day that each child joined their forever family.

Chinese New Year, in late January or early February, is a time of celebrating family. The New Year celebration is not inclusive of China as many other Asian countries celebrate a New Year as well; however, in China, it is considered the most important holiday of the year… a time of refreshing and renewal.  This two week celebration consists of family gatherings with lots of fun, food, and laughter with a huge Lantern Festival to conclude the festivities. The dragon dance and lantern parade are all part of beautiful traditions that fill this ancient holiday. Our personal celebration varies from year to year. In the past, we have attended various celebrations put on by local adoption groups, but this has never been a real favorite. Attending one of these parties has created fear and trauma for some of our children. It seems that the extra stimulation, the reminders of some not so pleasant times, and the large groups of people are all too much for them to handle, and we have had to leave these events in order to help the child cope. Our more favored way of celebrating CNY is to throw a small party in our home with friends and family invited to share in this tradition. Each child has an important role in the success of our party. We join together in cooking favorite Chinese foods (making dumplings is a favorite), decorating (using many traditional lanterns and décor as well as child-made decorations), and cleaning and preparing our home for our guests. Dressed in our traditional silk outfits, we gather with family and friends to share lots of good food and fun. It is a special time of remembrance and a time to be grateful for God’s special blessings on our “blended” family. All of these things are somewhat traditional in nature but we add our own “American” twists adding various foods and games that are enjoyed together as a family.

The Moon Festival (Mid-Autumn),traditionally celebrated late September or early October, is a holiday based on pagan religious practices and one that we knew we would transform to fit our beliefs and at the same time honor our children’s heritage. This celebration, in brief, revolves around three concepts: the gathering of family and friends as well as the gathering of harvest, thanksgiving for the harvest and for happy relationships, and praying for babies, spouses, beauty, longevity and a good future. Ancient Chinese customs would often include worship of the moon, stars and spirits. To be honest, this is a holiday that we struggle with mostly because it sneaks up on us allowing limited time to prepare in the ways that honors Chinese heritage but allows for celebrating in ways that fit our family beliefs. If we hadn’t missed the date altogether, we would celebrate with local adoption groups. Included in these types of celebrations would be a picnic in the park with traditional activities. For many of the same reasons listed above, we have found that a private family celebration works best. We have dinner, sometimes Chinese food but not always, and since our children do not like moon cakes (a traditional food) we use old-fashioned moon pie treats (the chocolate/marshmallow variety). We then go outside to moon and star gaze, and each year, I hope to incorporate an idea that I borrowed from a friend. Their family writes a prayer and blessing for each child’s birth family on a slip of paper, ties it to the string of a helium balloon, and then as they are moon gazing the child speaks their prayers to God for their birth parents and the balloon is sent on its journey. It so perfectly incorporates the Chinese traditions with our Christian family beliefs. Since, most years, I learn the date of the moon festival on its calendar day, it leaves little time for us to prepare, and we often miss using this idea. So, once again, it is my hope to add this idea to our family’s celebration for 2014.

Although most adoptive families celebrate Gotcha Days or Forever Family Days, our family chooses to use these yearly celebrations as a time to remember and give thanks for all the blessings God has bestowed upon us as a family. We honor each of our children and the unique way that God chose to add to our family by spending family time looking at pictures, delving through life books and rereading travel journals. During these special days of remembrance the child can feel a certain freedom in asking questions about their birth families and about how they came to be adopted. All in all it is a wonderful way to celebrate each child and their special place in our family.

To celebrate means to rejoice in a special event; to observe a special day; to perform a special ceremony; and or to praise publicly. Celebrations aren’t unique to only one culture or lifestyle and are celebrated worldwide as a way to connect and honor family traditions. The importance of these celebrations is significant, most especially for our adopted children. Holidays and the observance of them strengthen and help our children identify with their birth country and its cultures. When families are willing to observe special holidays, a sense of personal identity and a strong family bond is formed. It is most important that we make the effort for our kiddos. Sometimes these efforts turn and twist to meet the needs of our children and of our families. Celebrate it your way! It doesn’t matter how we celebrate as long as we do the celebrating. After all, who doesn’t like a Party?!